Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What This World Needs Is More Genuflecting

We discussed my lack of fear for authority figures. It should also be documented that I hate brown nosing. I have a real respect for the talent it takes to manage a pleasing balance of groveling and complimenting. I just can't quite bring myself to do it. I have a very hard time lying and it shows all over my face. I can lie. I just have to make sure that I don't realize I am lying. Which is usually a lie of omission, but can be me talking about something that isn't that important. Then it just comes out as a bit of embellishment.

Like lying most of my life is unintentional. This has its own set of unique advantages and problems. The advantage is that I just let life happen, sit back and enjoy the ride. It makes my life pretty much worry free. I say or do things without thinking about it and they generally work to my advantage. The down side of this is that I just let life happen, sit back and enjoy the ride until I start hitting major problems. Then I spend all my time reacting to and trying to contain the consequences of my inactions. That part can really suck. I don't have anyone to blame but myself, and because I have let matters pile up so badly I end up in crisis mode desperately trying to get my life back in order.

While there are a lot of things I am learning to make intentional choices about, there is one thing that will never change. My complete lack of physical grace is definitely here to stay. I don't know if it has to do with my ADD, but I am incredibly clumsy. My mom once told my ex-boyfriend that she loves watching me walk across linoleum because it is even more obvious that I trip over nothing but my own feet. That is because my mind wanders and I forget to pick up my feet. This also causes me to drop stuff all the time. I get distracted, forget that I am holding something and relax my hand. No joke.

I also have poor fine motor functioning. Shakes McGee actually comes from the fact that my hands are always shaking so I started telling people who noticed, "That's why they call me Shakes McGee." Weird non-explanation, but people just accept it. This is a perfect example of lying without knowing it. Before this blog, no one called me Shakes McGee. Right now most of my friends just found out where the hell that name comes from. I am giggling thinking about how they wanted to ask but thought it was something they should know. Luckily for you peeps, one of those friends has reminded me of an example that includes all of those clumsy traits so you can get an idea of how it affects my life.

Our office is set up for the most part without cubicle walls. One side of the room has half walls that you can see over and the other side has none at all. There is a walkway that leads between those two sections. About six months after I started working there, I was walking down the Aisle of Doom to my desk, minding my own business when I noticed a paperclip on the floor. Without stopping, still looking forward, I knelt down to pick it up. Due to a lack of fine motor skills, I missed it the first time so without looking I grabbed for it again. When I missed it a second time, I looked down. It was at this point I forgot that I was still walking. My body continued to move forward while my hand reach backward.

Fortunately the body is a wonderful thing and very quickly worked to maintain balance by bringing the knee of my back leg down. This allowed me to keep moving forward because it lengthened my body. Unfortunately, it halted the walking process as I was not able to lift my foot to take the next step. My body, acting under last known orders, still tried to take that step by dragging my back knee forward bringing my other knee down for support. My brain, still unaware of our predicament, failed to give the required "stop" signal. Since my body is very determined, it continued forward with my torso. Unable to actually move in distance, it really just forced my face toward the ground. My arms flew to the rescue up over my head and saved the day by catching me before I actually hit the floor. But, they also were still in Forward Ho mode so they came down as far in front of me as possible.

I looked up to see my boss' partner facing the aisle instead of his computer. This ensured that I was at his feet. He stared at me with only a glimmer in his eye and I thought he was going to let me walk away. He isn't usually the joking guy. But, I guess that situation was just too much to pass up. As I got up and dusted myself off, he said, "You don't have to bow down to me, but I do appreciate it."

On the bright side, I have decided that I am excused from ever having to kiss up to him. So unintentionally, I resolved that whole issue.


  1. What great title. I love how you title your writing. When I first saw this I wondered what in the world could she have to say about this subject. The paternal side of your extended family has gifted you with their wonderful sense of humor. This reminded me of the Donut Shop story your uncle retold I am sure adding his own details. We were all laughing hard including him.

  2. I know I know, but it said something was wrong with the first post and It was not posted, so I rewrote it and they are both there. Sorry!

  3. but you told me I could use that kind of language in my post.

  4. This is not your personal playground! You watch your dirty, little mouth.