My cousin sent me an email today asking how the interview went, which reminded me that there are people on here who are actually reading this and might want to know. She also told me that if my mom, her aunt, was going to be driving me around in a wheelchair, I should probably get a helmet. And seriously consider a safety belt as well.
The benefits meeting went really well. My claims agent said it was going smoothly, they just needed more information from my doctor. They try to finish the approval process within 30 days of the request being submitted. That would have been two weeks ago. It will all depend on how quickly my doctor responds.
The good news is that they pay 60% of my what I was making before I got sick. Also, they have an incentive program to encourage me to work as much as I can. I had been told that I could only receive a total of 60% of my salary and they would subtract whatever part time hours I worked from the total benefits I received. In actuality, I can get paid up to 40% of my previous salary with part time hours before it affects my benefits. Basically, they just don't want me getting over 100% of what I was making before with benefits and paychecks combined. This is awesome. It totally means I will be able to pay my bills and not have to sell my condo.
On a side note, the interview was totally random and insane. Since it went over my 20 minute limit of being able to hold normal together, she probably got more information than she bargained for. I'll give you a couple of highlights. She asked me about my medications and what I was taking them for. Then she asked if I was being treated for any other illnesses. I told her no. Later when she asked how much I weighed, I hemmed and hawed for a minute before I guessed. I told her I had lost a few pounds with the mono and wasn't really sure. This started a whole other line of questioning about my eating habits and lack of appetite. I explained to her that I had hypoglycemia so I was pretty careful about eating whether I wanted to or not.
Suddenly alarm bells went off in my head and I blurted out that I hadn't mentioned I had hypoglycemia earlier when she asked about other illnesses because I wasn't actually being treated for it. I wasn't trying to hide it or anything. Then I felt weird and told her I had been watching a ton of crime dramas since I had been sick. So I was feeling pressured to make sure she had all the details and it didn't look like I had been hiding anything. She laughed and said that she loved watching those too and totally understood.
Later in the conversation I started rambling about my current doctor and how he is new and only has seen me since I've had mono. She said she would pull all my records from my old doctor as well as my new one. I got strangely excited and my response was overly enthusiastic. Hearing her pause, I explained that I never get sick and if they had all my old records they would be able to see that as well. That's when I started giving full disclosure about my relationship with my current doctor. Realizing I might be sounding suspicious, I decided to jokingly remind her about the crime drama influence. So I lowered my voice and loudly whispered, "The voices from all the crime shows are insisting I tell you everything." She giggled nervously and soon after the interview was over.
I'm betting if the whole mono claim gets denied, I can probably try again on the grounds of insanity.
Showing posts with label Embarassing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Embarassing. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
I Am Not Sure About This
Someone suggested that I enable Adsense on my blog to make money. She also told me that she has made $5.00 in two years. I am going to give it a go and see what happens. I am waiting for approval, the story of my life. I am also looking into a couple of other options. Apparently there are companies that will pay people to blog about their products. Unfortunately the blogs have to be approved by the company before they pay you, so I don't know if that is really going to help me out or not. But that does seem more my style.
Don't worry I will always start the post with a disclaimer letting you know that I wrote it for money. However, I will not be changing my writing style so I will be incorporating my humor, memories, rantings and everything else into the so called advertisement. If you have seen Anne of Green Gables, just think Avril's Atonement. If you haven't seen it, just know that Anne is trying to get a story published but it keeps getting rejected, so her friend submits it to a contest sponsored by a baking soda company. The story wins, Anne is humiliated and says that she doesn't mention the baking soda anywhere. Her friend says she just added that part herself. She inserts the specific brand of baking powder during a cake baking scene and has the lovers credit their eternal love to the baking powder itself.
I figure if I am going to be writing anyway and I can find a product that fits into the story why not? For instance, in Some People Think it is Fun to Make You Wet Your Pants, I could totally mention how if I had self-tanning lotion back then, I would never have been found. I really hope this works because my head is already spinning with ideas for crappy tie ins!
Please let me know in the comments what you think of all of this. In the long run this is a place for me to practice writing. I don't want to lose readers because they find the ads too obnoxious. I'd much rather lose them because they think my writing is too obnoxious.
In the meantime, click on the ads. Just think, every 20 ads you click on, lets me do a load of laundry. For another 20 ads, I can dry them too!
Don't worry I will always start the post with a disclaimer letting you know that I wrote it for money. However, I will not be changing my writing style so I will be incorporating my humor, memories, rantings and everything else into the so called advertisement. If you have seen Anne of Green Gables, just think Avril's Atonement. If you haven't seen it, just know that Anne is trying to get a story published but it keeps getting rejected, so her friend submits it to a contest sponsored by a baking soda company. The story wins, Anne is humiliated and says that she doesn't mention the baking soda anywhere. Her friend says she just added that part herself. She inserts the specific brand of baking powder during a cake baking scene and has the lovers credit their eternal love to the baking powder itself.
I figure if I am going to be writing anyway and I can find a product that fits into the story why not? For instance, in Some People Think it is Fun to Make You Wet Your Pants, I could totally mention how if I had self-tanning lotion back then, I would never have been found. I really hope this works because my head is already spinning with ideas for crappy tie ins!
Please let me know in the comments what you think of all of this. In the long run this is a place for me to practice writing. I don't want to lose readers because they find the ads too obnoxious. I'd much rather lose them because they think my writing is too obnoxious.
In the meantime, click on the ads. Just think, every 20 ads you click on, lets me do a load of laundry. For another 20 ads, I can dry them too!
Friday, April 9, 2010
55 Shopping Days Until My Birthday!
This will be the first year I have ever taken my birthday off from work. My mom will be in town that week and if I ever do get back to work, I figured it would be the only day I could probably guilt them into letting me take. Birthdays trump mono. Most everyone I know takes a day off for their birthday. I don't get it personally. It's the one day that everyone has to be nice to you. In my office they put up an banner at your desk to announce it. Then, even the people who don't like you have to say something nice or avoid you altogether. Either way it is a win-win.
Ever since high school, I have big on the notification process. There are people I haven't seen in years who could probably still tell you when my birthday is. I make sure everyone has plenty of warning. I like to start about three weeks out. A month just seems needy. One day I heard someone complaining that no one ever remembered their birthday. I suddenly realized that we all just sit back and hope that someone recognizes it is our day and end up being severely disappointed when they don't. I decided I wasn't going to let that happen anymore. I was so bad that anytime I got near a calendar, I would make sure that I wrote it on the correct day. When I was able to start accessing people's electronic calendars, I was ecstatic and a little out of control. Let me tell you, it worked like a dream. On my birthday, I get all the attention I could ever want.
There was a time in my twenties when I started throwing myself large birthday parties. It was important to me that I have a lot of people around me on that day. I had a boyfriend pass away when I was twenty. We had the same birthday. When that day came around the following year, I was terrified to be alone. For a long time after that, I continued to make sure I was surrounded by people that loved me on that day. I don't know that I told more than one or two people, I didn't really want their sympathy, I just wanted them to be there.
One year I threw a party at a huge park back in Oregon. I invited everyone I knew and made presents mandatory. I know people say they don't want presents, but I just can't believe that could possibly be true. I made sure to specify that I didn't care what they got me as long as it was wrapped up. I got two of my all time favorite gifts that year. Lawn gnomes. They were awesome. Unfortunately, they were eventually stolen, but I will never forget Fungi and Dumpy. Fungi held a mushroom. I guess Dumpy was supposed to be put behind a plant to look like he was hiding behind it. But, since I've never had plants, he just looked like he was getting ready to take a poo.
At my last job, I was so annoying to one of my teammates, I thought she was going to smack me. I didn't realize how bad I was until I was thrown a surprise birthday party by our clients. People I had never met before brought in a cake and sang Happy Birthday to me. The next day as we were checking out of our hotel and packing up the car to head for the airport, one of the housecleaning ladies yelled a parting birthday wish to me. My coworker could only stare at me in awe, unable to say a word.
I have that affect on people. I finally decided that maybe I was a little too old and too professional to be playing up my need for attention after I started my current job. Two weeks before my birthday, my boss came in and announced, "Happy Birthday! How does it feel to be a year older?" Everyone looked at me and I just shook my head and said my birthday wasn't for another two weeks. He looked at me funny and then said that the alarm on his phone had gone off at 4:00 in the morning with a reminder that it was my birthday. I was mortified. I had put my birthday on his calendar and set the reminder to go off two weeks early. I thought it would be funny to tell him he had two weeks to shop for my birthday. It was funny. To everyone else in the office it was hilarious. But that wasn't the worst part.
In all the blushing, stammering and apologizing, I forgot I had set it to repeat every year. My boss didn't think it was as funny the second year around.
Ever since high school, I have big on the notification process. There are people I haven't seen in years who could probably still tell you when my birthday is. I make sure everyone has plenty of warning. I like to start about three weeks out. A month just seems needy. One day I heard someone complaining that no one ever remembered their birthday. I suddenly realized that we all just sit back and hope that someone recognizes it is our day and end up being severely disappointed when they don't. I decided I wasn't going to let that happen anymore. I was so bad that anytime I got near a calendar, I would make sure that I wrote it on the correct day. When I was able to start accessing people's electronic calendars, I was ecstatic and a little out of control. Let me tell you, it worked like a dream. On my birthday, I get all the attention I could ever want.
There was a time in my twenties when I started throwing myself large birthday parties. It was important to me that I have a lot of people around me on that day. I had a boyfriend pass away when I was twenty. We had the same birthday. When that day came around the following year, I was terrified to be alone. For a long time after that, I continued to make sure I was surrounded by people that loved me on that day. I don't know that I told more than one or two people, I didn't really want their sympathy, I just wanted them to be there.
One year I threw a party at a huge park back in Oregon. I invited everyone I knew and made presents mandatory. I know people say they don't want presents, but I just can't believe that could possibly be true. I made sure to specify that I didn't care what they got me as long as it was wrapped up. I got two of my all time favorite gifts that year. Lawn gnomes. They were awesome. Unfortunately, they were eventually stolen, but I will never forget Fungi and Dumpy. Fungi held a mushroom. I guess Dumpy was supposed to be put behind a plant to look like he was hiding behind it. But, since I've never had plants, he just looked like he was getting ready to take a poo.
At my last job, I was so annoying to one of my teammates, I thought she was going to smack me. I didn't realize how bad I was until I was thrown a surprise birthday party by our clients. People I had never met before brought in a cake and sang Happy Birthday to me. The next day as we were checking out of our hotel and packing up the car to head for the airport, one of the housecleaning ladies yelled a parting birthday wish to me. My coworker could only stare at me in awe, unable to say a word.
I have that affect on people. I finally decided that maybe I was a little too old and too professional to be playing up my need for attention after I started my current job. Two weeks before my birthday, my boss came in and announced, "Happy Birthday! How does it feel to be a year older?" Everyone looked at me and I just shook my head and said my birthday wasn't for another two weeks. He looked at me funny and then said that the alarm on his phone had gone off at 4:00 in the morning with a reminder that it was my birthday. I was mortified. I had put my birthday on his calendar and set the reminder to go off two weeks early. I thought it would be funny to tell him he had two weeks to shop for my birthday. It was funny. To everyone else in the office it was hilarious. But that wasn't the worst part.
In all the blushing, stammering and apologizing, I forgot I had set it to repeat every year. My boss didn't think it was as funny the second year around.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
What This World Needs Is More Genuflecting
We discussed my lack of fear for authority figures. It should also be documented that I hate brown nosing. I have a real respect for the talent it takes to manage a pleasing balance of groveling and complimenting. I just can't quite bring myself to do it. I have a very hard time lying and it shows all over my face. I can lie. I just have to make sure that I don't realize I am lying. Which is usually a lie of omission, but can be me talking about something that isn't that important. Then it just comes out as a bit of embellishment.
Like lying most of my life is unintentional. This has its own set of unique advantages and problems. The advantage is that I just let life happen, sit back and enjoy the ride. It makes my life pretty much worry free. I say or do things without thinking about it and they generally work to my advantage. The down side of this is that I just let life happen, sit back and enjoy the ride until I start hitting major problems. Then I spend all my time reacting to and trying to contain the consequences of my inactions. That part can really suck. I don't have anyone to blame but myself, and because I have let matters pile up so badly I end up in crisis mode desperately trying to get my life back in order.
While there are a lot of things I am learning to make intentional choices about, there is one thing that will never change. My complete lack of physical grace is definitely here to stay. I don't know if it has to do with my ADD, but I am incredibly clumsy. My mom once told my ex-boyfriend that she loves watching me walk across linoleum because it is even more obvious that I trip over nothing but my own feet. That is because my mind wanders and I forget to pick up my feet. This also causes me to drop stuff all the time. I get distracted, forget that I am holding something and relax my hand. No joke.
I also have poor fine motor functioning. Shakes McGee actually comes from the fact that my hands are always shaking so I started telling people who noticed, "That's why they call me Shakes McGee." Weird non-explanation, but people just accept it. This is a perfect example of lying without knowing it. Before this blog, no one called me Shakes McGee. Right now most of my friends just found out where the hell that name comes from. I am giggling thinking about how they wanted to ask but thought it was something they should know. Luckily for you peeps, one of those friends has reminded me of an example that includes all of those clumsy traits so you can get an idea of how it affects my life.
Our office is set up for the most part without cubicle walls. One side of the room has half walls that you can see over and the other side has none at all. There is a walkway that leads between those two sections. About six months after I started working there, I was walking down the Aisle of Doom to my desk, minding my own business when I noticed a paperclip on the floor. Without stopping, still looking forward, I knelt down to pick it up. Due to a lack of fine motor skills, I missed it the first time so without looking I grabbed for it again. When I missed it a second time, I looked down. It was at this point I forgot that I was still walking. My body continued to move forward while my hand reach backward.
Fortunately the body is a wonderful thing and very quickly worked to maintain balance by bringing the knee of my back leg down. This allowed me to keep moving forward because it lengthened my body. Unfortunately, it halted the walking process as I was not able to lift my foot to take the next step. My body, acting under last known orders, still tried to take that step by dragging my back knee forward bringing my other knee down for support. My brain, still unaware of our predicament, failed to give the required "stop" signal. Since my body is very determined, it continued forward with my torso. Unable to actually move in distance, it really just forced my face toward the ground. My arms flew to the rescue up over my head and saved the day by catching me before I actually hit the floor. But, they also were still in Forward Ho mode so they came down as far in front of me as possible.
I looked up to see my boss' partner facing the aisle instead of his computer. This ensured that I was at his feet. He stared at me with only a glimmer in his eye and I thought he was going to let me walk away. He isn't usually the joking guy. But, I guess that situation was just too much to pass up. As I got up and dusted myself off, he said, "You don't have to bow down to me, but I do appreciate it."
On the bright side, I have decided that I am excused from ever having to kiss up to him. So unintentionally, I resolved that whole issue.
Like lying most of my life is unintentional. This has its own set of unique advantages and problems. The advantage is that I just let life happen, sit back and enjoy the ride. It makes my life pretty much worry free. I say or do things without thinking about it and they generally work to my advantage. The down side of this is that I just let life happen, sit back and enjoy the ride until I start hitting major problems. Then I spend all my time reacting to and trying to contain the consequences of my inactions. That part can really suck. I don't have anyone to blame but myself, and because I have let matters pile up so badly I end up in crisis mode desperately trying to get my life back in order.
While there are a lot of things I am learning to make intentional choices about, there is one thing that will never change. My complete lack of physical grace is definitely here to stay. I don't know if it has to do with my ADD, but I am incredibly clumsy. My mom once told my ex-boyfriend that she loves watching me walk across linoleum because it is even more obvious that I trip over nothing but my own feet. That is because my mind wanders and I forget to pick up my feet. This also causes me to drop stuff all the time. I get distracted, forget that I am holding something and relax my hand. No joke.
I also have poor fine motor functioning. Shakes McGee actually comes from the fact that my hands are always shaking so I started telling people who noticed, "That's why they call me Shakes McGee." Weird non-explanation, but people just accept it. This is a perfect example of lying without knowing it. Before this blog, no one called me Shakes McGee. Right now most of my friends just found out where the hell that name comes from. I am giggling thinking about how they wanted to ask but thought it was something they should know. Luckily for you peeps, one of those friends has reminded me of an example that includes all of those clumsy traits so you can get an idea of how it affects my life.
Our office is set up for the most part without cubicle walls. One side of the room has half walls that you can see over and the other side has none at all. There is a walkway that leads between those two sections. About six months after I started working there, I was walking down the Aisle of Doom to my desk, minding my own business when I noticed a paperclip on the floor. Without stopping, still looking forward, I knelt down to pick it up. Due to a lack of fine motor skills, I missed it the first time so without looking I grabbed for it again. When I missed it a second time, I looked down. It was at this point I forgot that I was still walking. My body continued to move forward while my hand reach backward.
Fortunately the body is a wonderful thing and very quickly worked to maintain balance by bringing the knee of my back leg down. This allowed me to keep moving forward because it lengthened my body. Unfortunately, it halted the walking process as I was not able to lift my foot to take the next step. My body, acting under last known orders, still tried to take that step by dragging my back knee forward bringing my other knee down for support. My brain, still unaware of our predicament, failed to give the required "stop" signal. Since my body is very determined, it continued forward with my torso. Unable to actually move in distance, it really just forced my face toward the ground. My arms flew to the rescue up over my head and saved the day by catching me before I actually hit the floor. But, they also were still in Forward Ho mode so they came down as far in front of me as possible.
I looked up to see my boss' partner facing the aisle instead of his computer. This ensured that I was at his feet. He stared at me with only a glimmer in his eye and I thought he was going to let me walk away. He isn't usually the joking guy. But, I guess that situation was just too much to pass up. As I got up and dusted myself off, he said, "You don't have to bow down to me, but I do appreciate it."
On the bright side, I have decided that I am excused from ever having to kiss up to him. So unintentionally, I resolved that whole issue.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Curses!
I'm back at the coffee shop. This time though, there are no comfy places. OK, there are, but I'm not in the mood to mingle and if I can't have the couch to myself, I don't want a couch.
I've been on my feet all day getting ready for the week. I have all my lunches ready to be packed and outfits put together. It's comforting to see them all hanging in a row with accessories already picked out. My clothes, not the lunches. I wish I could figure out a way to accessorize my lunches. I figure all of this will cut my preparation by two thirds. I work so much better in the morning when I don't actually have to think.
I can't wait until I am no longer in pain every waking minute. What a glorious day that will be. I will sing and dance. I will be alone when that happens. I do enough things to embarrass myself in public. My most recent escapade involves one of my boss' clients. He is so pretty. Sometimes, I meet someone who is so attractive that my brain freezes. I can't speak, I can't move, I just stare in awe. Take this latest guy, let's call him Bruce. The first time I came face to face with Bruce, I stared so long, that one of the partners introduced me. I don't get introduced to clients. I open the door to the conference room. I bring in a tray with a pitcher of water and glasses. As I set it down on the table, I smile and nod to at the client. Then I leave, backing out the door looking around making sure nothing else is needed.
Not this time. I opened the door. I brought in the tray. As I set it down on the table, I smiled at Bruce and got caught in his eyes. I stare at him, frozen in time, with the tray hovering over the table. Like a statue to commemorate Executive Assistants everywhere. Who knows how long that went on before the partner finally cleared his throat and introduced me. I was so startled by his voice, I jumped. I like to think that I recovered. I like to think that I smiled, shook his hand and said nice to meet you. Instead I watched him get up out of his chair and offer his hand before I moved. I am pretty sure I blushed as I grabbed his hand before running out of the room. I believe I even slammed the door in my hurry to get out of dodge.
Wouldn't it be nice if that were the end of this story? If it were, I could tell you the next time I met Bruce I was all grace and charm. Since I don't possess any grace of movement and all of my charms are based on dancing the line of social acceptability, my imagination is not adequate to even dream of how that would look. Some time later, Bruce came in with two colleagues for a lunch meeting. I made sure the lunches and beverages were in the conference room prior to everyone's arrival. I planned to regain at least a shred of my dignity. That plan consisted mostly of me not entering the conference room more than absolutely necessary. If all went well, I would only have to enter the room once. To my credit, I did only enter once.
I went in to check on them and I discovered that the second principal was present. Fortunately, he provided introductions at the first debacle, so my behavior could not have been completely unexpected. Keeping my gaze high and low to avoid any eye contact. I glanced around the room before I noticed him sitting there without a lunch. He joked about not being as important as his partner. Unfortunately instead of a witty comeback, I offered up my boss' lunch. Luckily this amused the crowd into laughing and sharing their own one-liners. I laughed right along with everyone, still maintaining zero eye contact. Then Bruce said something. I'd tell you what he said, but I don't remember because before I could stop myself, I turned and looked in his direction. I regained awareness fairly quickly this time and I told myself to look away. Then I screamed at myself to look away because I couldn't stop staring. Finally I lowered my head, laughed and followed up with a joke.
Relieved that I had clumsily recovered and he was probably the only one who noticed I started backing out of the door. (Trust me, I saw his face, he noticed.) I grabbed the handle and started closeing the door. In slow motion, I put my foot behind me, raised my head triumphantly at the closing of this scene and tripped over my own feet. Since I had the door handle in my hand, I managed to catch myself. But the weight of my fall backwards slammed the door in my own face.
For now, let's just end this story with that appropriate metaphor and hope there won't be any future installments.
I've been on my feet all day getting ready for the week. I have all my lunches ready to be packed and outfits put together. It's comforting to see them all hanging in a row with accessories already picked out. My clothes, not the lunches. I wish I could figure out a way to accessorize my lunches. I figure all of this will cut my preparation by two thirds. I work so much better in the morning when I don't actually have to think.
I can't wait until I am no longer in pain every waking minute. What a glorious day that will be. I will sing and dance. I will be alone when that happens. I do enough things to embarrass myself in public. My most recent escapade involves one of my boss' clients. He is so pretty. Sometimes, I meet someone who is so attractive that my brain freezes. I can't speak, I can't move, I just stare in awe. Take this latest guy, let's call him Bruce. The first time I came face to face with Bruce, I stared so long, that one of the partners introduced me. I don't get introduced to clients. I open the door to the conference room. I bring in a tray with a pitcher of water and glasses. As I set it down on the table, I smile and nod to at the client. Then I leave, backing out the door looking around making sure nothing else is needed.
Not this time. I opened the door. I brought in the tray. As I set it down on the table, I smiled at Bruce and got caught in his eyes. I stare at him, frozen in time, with the tray hovering over the table. Like a statue to commemorate Executive Assistants everywhere. Who knows how long that went on before the partner finally cleared his throat and introduced me. I was so startled by his voice, I jumped. I like to think that I recovered. I like to think that I smiled, shook his hand and said nice to meet you. Instead I watched him get up out of his chair and offer his hand before I moved. I am pretty sure I blushed as I grabbed his hand before running out of the room. I believe I even slammed the door in my hurry to get out of dodge.
Wouldn't it be nice if that were the end of this story? If it were, I could tell you the next time I met Bruce I was all grace and charm. Since I don't possess any grace of movement and all of my charms are based on dancing the line of social acceptability, my imagination is not adequate to even dream of how that would look. Some time later, Bruce came in with two colleagues for a lunch meeting. I made sure the lunches and beverages were in the conference room prior to everyone's arrival. I planned to regain at least a shred of my dignity. That plan consisted mostly of me not entering the conference room more than absolutely necessary. If all went well, I would only have to enter the room once. To my credit, I did only enter once.
I went in to check on them and I discovered that the second principal was present. Fortunately, he provided introductions at the first debacle, so my behavior could not have been completely unexpected. Keeping my gaze high and low to avoid any eye contact. I glanced around the room before I noticed him sitting there without a lunch. He joked about not being as important as his partner. Unfortunately instead of a witty comeback, I offered up my boss' lunch. Luckily this amused the crowd into laughing and sharing their own one-liners. I laughed right along with everyone, still maintaining zero eye contact. Then Bruce said something. I'd tell you what he said, but I don't remember because before I could stop myself, I turned and looked in his direction. I regained awareness fairly quickly this time and I told myself to look away. Then I screamed at myself to look away because I couldn't stop staring. Finally I lowered my head, laughed and followed up with a joke.
Relieved that I had clumsily recovered and he was probably the only one who noticed I started backing out of the door. (Trust me, I saw his face, he noticed.) I grabbed the handle and started closeing the door. In slow motion, I put my foot behind me, raised my head triumphantly at the closing of this scene and tripped over my own feet. Since I had the door handle in my hand, I managed to catch myself. But the weight of my fall backwards slammed the door in my own face.
For now, let's just end this story with that appropriate metaphor and hope there won't be any future installments.
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