Friday, April 9, 2010

55 Shopping Days Until My Birthday!

This will be the first year I have ever taken my birthday off from work. My mom will be in town that week and if I ever do get back to work, I figured it would be the only day I could probably guilt them into letting me take. Birthdays trump mono. Most everyone I know takes a day off for their birthday. I don't get it personally. It's the one day that everyone has to be nice to you. In my office they put up an banner at your desk to announce it. Then, even the people who don't like you have to say something nice or avoid you altogether. Either way it is a win-win.

Ever since high school, I have big on the notification process. There are people I haven't seen in years who could probably still tell you when my birthday is. I make sure everyone has plenty of warning. I like to start about three weeks out. A month just seems needy. One day I heard someone complaining that no one ever remembered their birthday. I suddenly realized that we all just sit back and hope that someone recognizes it is our day and end up being severely disappointed when they don't. I decided I wasn't going to let that happen anymore. I was so bad that anytime I got near a calendar, I would make sure that I wrote it on the correct day. When I was able to start accessing people's electronic calendars, I was ecstatic and a little out of control. Let me tell you, it worked like a dream. On my birthday, I get all the attention I could ever want.

There was a time in my twenties when I started throwing myself large birthday parties. It was important to me that I have a lot of people around me on that day. I had a boyfriend pass away when I was twenty. We had the same birthday. When that day came around the following year, I was terrified to be alone. For a long time after that, I continued to make sure I was surrounded by people that loved me on that day. I don't know that I told more than one or two people, I didn't really want their sympathy, I just wanted them to be there.

One year I threw a party at a huge park back in Oregon. I invited everyone I knew and made presents mandatory. I know people say they don't want presents, but I just can't believe that could possibly be true. I made sure to specify that I didn't care what they got me as long as it was wrapped up. I got two of my all time favorite gifts that year. Lawn gnomes. They were awesome. Unfortunately, they were eventually stolen, but I will never forget Fungi and Dumpy. Fungi held a mushroom. I guess Dumpy was supposed to be put behind a plant to look like he was hiding behind it. But, since I've never had plants, he just looked like he was getting ready to take a poo.

At my last job, I was so annoying to one of my teammates, I thought she was going to smack me. I didn't realize how bad I was until I was thrown a surprise birthday party by our clients. People I had never met before brought in a cake and sang Happy Birthday to me. The next day as we were checking out of our hotel and packing up the car to head for the airport, one of the housecleaning ladies yelled a parting birthday wish to me. My coworker could only stare at me in awe, unable to say a word.

I have that affect on people. I finally decided that maybe I was a little too old and too professional to be playing up my need for attention after I started my current job. Two weeks before my birthday, my boss came in and announced, "Happy Birthday! How does it feel to be a year older?" Everyone looked at me and I just shook my head and said my birthday wasn't for another two weeks. He looked at me funny and then said that the alarm on his phone had gone off at 4:00 in the morning with a reminder that it was my birthday. I was mortified. I had put my birthday on his calendar and set the reminder to go off two weeks early. I thought it would be funny to tell him he had two weeks to shop for my birthday. It was funny. To everyone else in the office it was hilarious. But that wasn't the worst part.

In all the blushing, stammering and apologizing, I forgot I had set it to repeat every year. My boss didn't think it was as funny the second year around.

1 comment:

  1. LOL! I have an early birthday story that now needs to appear on my blog, involving Texas and Jimmy Buffett. But your is funnier! for one thing, it doesn't include a gnome named "Dumpy".