Saturday, February 6, 2010

Batman Calls Me Black Lightning

True story. I had a dream once that I suddenly developed the ability to fly. Once the Justice League found out about my powers they assigned a mentor to me. That mentor was Batman. It was the most amazing dream I have ever had. In order to be trained, I had to help battle the bad guys. Which totally scared the crap out of me because flying was my only power. I didn't have invincibility or anything like that, so I was constantly in a state of panic that I was going to get shot and killed. In order to avoid this I developed an attack where I would wait really high in the sky until I targeted someone. Then I would fly in as fast as I could feet first and kick the villain in the head. Then, using their head as a trampoline, I would shoot back into the stratosphere. (Imagine how people look going down a water slide, slightly panicked and rigid as a board. That was my flying pose.) I totally wore these giant think black boots (with silver buckles) so if I got shot, the only thing that they would hit were my feet and I would take less damage. This just goes to show you what a crap superhero I would be. I'm sure I would have eventually been downgraded to a side kick.

I started seeing a rapid succession of newspapers flash in front of me. You know the screen in the movies where they show the newspapers from far away and then bring them closer spinning them as they go. Then they stop the paper just short of the camera and you read only the most prominent headline then show the next spinning article coming at you. (Unless you are me and then I totally try to read the smaller headlines because occasionally someone will care enough to put a really inane one out to the side and I want to reward their attention to detail.) These headlines start flashing, "Black Lightning Interrupts Bank Heist," "Black Lightning Rescues 10 From a Fire," "Who is Black Lightning?" Except I don't think I remembered the exact titles when I woke up. I'd have to find the notebook that I wrote it all down in and I am too tired to do that right now. Anyway, I ask Batman who this new guy Black Lightning is and he just gives his "I can't believe I got stuck with someone so stupid" look and tells me that I am Black Lightning. The press had started calling me that because that was all you could see of my attacks. Batman then tells me I have officially completed my training and hands me a costume that he has constructed for me. (I say constructed because I can't imagine Batman sewing. That just seems wrong.) It is all black and a lightning insignia in the center of the chest. At which point Batman gives me the "I look all mean and harsh on the outside, but secretly I am fond of you and want you to fight on Team Batman."

It is at this point in the dream that I consider asking him to ditch Robin or pass him off to Superman. Because even in my dreams, I couldn't imagine Robin as being cool. He was insanely annoying, whiny and all goody two-shoes. I didn't like Superman either for pretty much the same reasons, but I had a grudging respect for him since he was the leader. Batman and I are crouching behind a rock on top of this cliff. Robin shows up and tells us, "It's starting." That's when the dream gets really insane, but I can't remember the details and really need to find my notebook before I go any further.

So, is this not the coolest dream ever? Even if you told me no, I would never believe you. I can't remember if I had the dream before I read Kingdom Come, or if it was recommended that I read it after I told someone my dream. Either way, it is awesome!

The point of all of this? Robin is a pansy and needs to man up or get some insanely amazing powers so that it excuses his behavior.

1 comment:

  1. Wow! Wow again, this deserves a double wow. "Two thumbs up" is a wimpy award for loser movie critics who think they know what's good. But to get the coveted 'double wow", now that is something. This is great writing! Dreams of such clarity I have rarely been heard about. Except when using some natural herbal enhancement before hand.
    This is the first time a writer has had the courage to put into words the truth about Robin, that I am sure has been on everyone's mind. Way to go!