My parents are going on day trips today and tomorrow to give me a couple of days to rest. Sadly, I cannot keep up with my newly retired father who also needs naps every afternoon. Yesterday I was so exhausted, I fell out of my bed trying to get up. Luckily, my bed is close to the floor because I fell pretty hard on the ankle I twisted last month falling off the bottom stair of an establishment onto the sidewalk. I am pretty sure I fell because I went back to sleep as I was rolling out of bed. It all happened very quickly.
My exhaustion has very little to do with my parents being here, other than I find it hard to remain reclined when I am visiting with them. It just feels rude. I am exhausted because I am going through an insomnia spell which happens a lot since I've been sick. I crashed in my hammock chair yesterday afternoon for 3 hours when my mom took my dad back to their hotel for his nap. I woke up feeling refreshed and rested for the first time in a week. Well, first I woke up in a panic because my phone was ringing and I forgot where I was. Which made the whole cocooned in a bunch of rope less comforting and more bondage-y. And not in a good way.
Today my folks went up into Golden and beyond just to check out the little towns. My mom called this afternoon to let me know they would not be back to have dinner with me. She was very excited and asked me to guess what they found out there. I was stumped for a few seconds until I remembered that the route they were taking went right through Black Hawk, our local gambling getaway. I can't believe I forgot about Black Hawk when I was trying to think of places to send them for the day. Anyway here is a snippit of the conversation.
Mom: Your dad won $150 on a penny machine!
Me (glumly): Well don't come back then. Keep going and see if you can win back the $XXX I borrowed from you yesterday.
Mom: That's what I was thinking!
God bless her pea pickin' heart. Seriously. It would make me feel much less guilty.
My second conversation took place after I played a little phone tag with my boss today, when he finally answered my call it went a little something like this:
Me: Hey! How are you?
Boss: I'm doing better than you!
Me: Niiice. Real nice.
I miss him!
Showing posts with label Mono. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mono. Show all posts
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Yes, I Am Still Alive
I am still here. Just hanging out waiting to find out what is wrong with me. When last you heard from me I was waiting for blood tests. Those blood tests had my primary doctor thinking I had an active virus and was contagious. She referred me to Infectious Diseases where I met the worst doctor yet. After he made me cry, he agreed to run the blood tests that he wasn't going to run because there weren't any treatments for the viruses, so he figured it didn't matter.
As it turns out, he was wrong. Those tests revealed that I did not have an active virus. Now it is back to the doctors office. Except this time I think Chronic mono can be ruled out and it is now narrowed down to Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. (Go Chronic Fatigue! It may take years to recover from, but at least you recover.) In the mean time, I still haven't had my disability reinstated. Apparently the paperwork they send to the doctor is virtually impossible to fill out. When the insurance company called, I politely explained this to them. I then told them I had been referred to occupational medicine for a full evaluation because my doctor wanted the paperwork filled out correctly. The agent immediately told me that wasn't necessary I could simply have my doctor submit a letter stating that I had been limited to part time work. This seemed unusual and after talking to the manager of my primary doctor's office, I found out why.
She told me that the evaluation would require a specialized office that had some machines they could hook me up to to fill out the paperwork correctly. She also told me it appeared the insurance company was making it as difficult as possible for me to follow through with my claim. She also said that I probably scared the insurance rep because if I actually get evaluated by occupational medicine, I will be given a disability rating. The insurance company may then be required to pay me for the rest of my life based on that little number.
I suddenly feel that it is important that the insurance paperwork be filled out correctly. I have no desire to be on disability for the rest of my life. I simply have a desire to pay my mortgage while I am unable to work. Is that so wrong? I didn't think so.
Needless to say, things around here are basically just getting through each day with the minimal of frustration. Luckily I have never been an active person and have always loved video games. Plus, I just got reading glasses, so I am finally able to read printed material again, so I am on my 3rd book in as many weeks. And I finally finished the book I have been working on since I got sick. Yay me! My prescription didn't change, I have always had a slight astigmatism, but have always been able to compensate. Apparently, I am so tired, my eye muscles don't even want to do that much.
I am not editing this you can read it as is, so take THAT! I will try to remember to update this with any news that may come up. However as you can see in this email, I really didn't have anything new to report.
Except the glasses. They are cute and I have always wanted glasses but never really needed them. So I guess that's new.
As it turns out, he was wrong. Those tests revealed that I did not have an active virus. Now it is back to the doctors office. Except this time I think Chronic mono can be ruled out and it is now narrowed down to Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. (Go Chronic Fatigue! It may take years to recover from, but at least you recover.) In the mean time, I still haven't had my disability reinstated. Apparently the paperwork they send to the doctor is virtually impossible to fill out. When the insurance company called, I politely explained this to them. I then told them I had been referred to occupational medicine for a full evaluation because my doctor wanted the paperwork filled out correctly. The agent immediately told me that wasn't necessary I could simply have my doctor submit a letter stating that I had been limited to part time work. This seemed unusual and after talking to the manager of my primary doctor's office, I found out why.
She told me that the evaluation would require a specialized office that had some machines they could hook me up to to fill out the paperwork correctly. She also told me it appeared the insurance company was making it as difficult as possible for me to follow through with my claim. She also said that I probably scared the insurance rep because if I actually get evaluated by occupational medicine, I will be given a disability rating. The insurance company may then be required to pay me for the rest of my life based on that little number.
I suddenly feel that it is important that the insurance paperwork be filled out correctly. I have no desire to be on disability for the rest of my life. I simply have a desire to pay my mortgage while I am unable to work. Is that so wrong? I didn't think so.
Needless to say, things around here are basically just getting through each day with the minimal of frustration. Luckily I have never been an active person and have always loved video games. Plus, I just got reading glasses, so I am finally able to read printed material again, so I am on my 3rd book in as many weeks. And I finally finished the book I have been working on since I got sick. Yay me! My prescription didn't change, I have always had a slight astigmatism, but have always been able to compensate. Apparently, I am so tired, my eye muscles don't even want to do that much.
I am not editing this you can read it as is, so take THAT! I will try to remember to update this with any news that may come up. However as you can see in this email, I really didn't have anything new to report.
Except the glasses. They are cute and I have always wanted glasses but never really needed them. So I guess that's new.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
My New Motto
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I decided this week to stop waiting for my life to go back to normal. I have been in this holding pattern for months. Now I have answers and it is time to put a new life together. It may go back to what it was, but I can't keep waiting on that. It is time to pursue new paths and live in the moment, not the future.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I decided this week to stop waiting for my life to go back to normal. I have been in this holding pattern for months. Now I have answers and it is time to put a new life together. It may go back to what it was, but I can't keep waiting on that. It is time to pursue new paths and live in the moment, not the future.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Legion of Infectious Diseased
One of my lovely friends told me that my illness is probably just the catalyst for my super powers and that I need to ask about it when the Legion of Infectious Diseases contacts me via my doctor referral. I have absolutely decided to use my powers for anarchy. Pretty much because I have been given the roller derby name that is awesome and won't work for good. Just call me Contagion. Those who know me might find a different spelling option.
The doctor visit went well. I really liked her. She didn't even give me a physical examination. It sounds weird for that to be a good thing but for me it meant she believed me when I told her what my symptoms were. That and she is so awesome, she had it figured out in about 15 minutes. She thought it was still Mono. If the tests came back negative, it was probably Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). Then she ran all kinds of tests on me because in order to diagnose the two latter illness, you have to rule everything out.
She called me this week with the results and asked if I had time to talk. That should have been a warning to me. She said not only do I still have Mono, but the antibody counts are actually higher than they were in January which makes me a Carrier. It also sounds like an awesome origin for a Super Being. Because this is outside of her experience and knowledge base, she had to refer me to Infectious Diseases. They would contact me and be able to tell me if this was Chronic or I will be a Carrier for the rest of my life.
Let me explain Chronic and Carrier. Chronic means that the Mono will go into remission and I will be subjected to random relapses for up to 16 years. Carrier means that I always exhibit symptoms and I am always contagious. Hence the roller derby name. Now God love everybody who says that this is a relief and at least I don't have Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. While I appreciate the sentiment because they know someone with these diseases and are relieved that I don't have to go through this mess, I am wondering why I am seeing it differently.
Did they all miss the phrase "for the rest of my life?" Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome can be treated. They know people who's lives are not easy, but they have lives. If I am a carrier, I will always exhibit symptoms, meaning I will always be sick. The only article I could find on this rarity basically said that some people just get stuck in this one phase of Mono. Even if I can somehow manage to find a way to suppress the symptoms and actually be on my feet for longer than two hours a day, I will still be contagious. Sure, it is only passed through saliva, but I am pretty sure that no company will employ someone who is a walking viral infection waiting to happen. The liability is just too great.
Don't misunderstand. I am not panicking or freaking out. I have this strange sense of peace. Maybe it's because I have been helpless to control my circumstances for almost eight months. I just figure whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I am not upset but I am not relieved or happy by any means. Although I am finding much humor in the situation. I heard the absolute best encouragement from my coworker yesterday who said, "Look at it this way. You're probably going to be forced to become a recluse and out of that you will become some great artist that everyone will just be in awe of." I think the reason this is the best thing I've heard is because she took in what was happening; looked at my future; and found the best possible outcome based on reality. (It doesn't hurt that my daydream response to this situation is to believe the exact same thing. In my version, I write the great American novel.)
It was grounding to have someone look at my life for what it is and still find something inspiring to say. I've begun to wonder if I am a cynic. I have never really thought about it before. I am usually all about finding silver linings and such that it never seemed possible that I could be. I think I am though. And I don't think it is a bad thing. I can look at what is before me without fear. I don't need to hope for my circumstances to change. I can't change what is going on. I can change me. I can adjust to my surroundings. But I can't do that and wish for things to change. What is the point of changing yourself if you are expecting you won't have to? These thoughts aren't really cynical in my opinion. I believe that is being a realist. I have always thought of myself as a realist.
What makes me think I am a cynic is the feeling I get when I talk to people who try to make me think that my circumstances are going to magically revert back to where they were. This feeling was not always there. I think I crossed a line about four months ago that turned me from realist to cynic. Something existential snapped and changed my innate reactions to people good intentions. I can't tell you what caused it, I only know that I have converted. My inner response is no longer a wistful longing to believe what the are saying.
My inner response is to picture me wearing big black boots and kicking them in the shins.
The doctor visit went well. I really liked her. She didn't even give me a physical examination. It sounds weird for that to be a good thing but for me it meant she believed me when I told her what my symptoms were. That and she is so awesome, she had it figured out in about 15 minutes. She thought it was still Mono. If the tests came back negative, it was probably Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). Then she ran all kinds of tests on me because in order to diagnose the two latter illness, you have to rule everything out.
She called me this week with the results and asked if I had time to talk. That should have been a warning to me. She said not only do I still have Mono, but the antibody counts are actually higher than they were in January which makes me a Carrier. It also sounds like an awesome origin for a Super Being. Because this is outside of her experience and knowledge base, she had to refer me to Infectious Diseases. They would contact me and be able to tell me if this was Chronic or I will be a Carrier for the rest of my life.
Let me explain Chronic and Carrier. Chronic means that the Mono will go into remission and I will be subjected to random relapses for up to 16 years. Carrier means that I always exhibit symptoms and I am always contagious. Hence the roller derby name. Now God love everybody who says that this is a relief and at least I don't have Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. While I appreciate the sentiment because they know someone with these diseases and are relieved that I don't have to go through this mess, I am wondering why I am seeing it differently.
Did they all miss the phrase "for the rest of my life?" Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome can be treated. They know people who's lives are not easy, but they have lives. If I am a carrier, I will always exhibit symptoms, meaning I will always be sick. The only article I could find on this rarity basically said that some people just get stuck in this one phase of Mono. Even if I can somehow manage to find a way to suppress the symptoms and actually be on my feet for longer than two hours a day, I will still be contagious. Sure, it is only passed through saliva, but I am pretty sure that no company will employ someone who is a walking viral infection waiting to happen. The liability is just too great.
Don't misunderstand. I am not panicking or freaking out. I have this strange sense of peace. Maybe it's because I have been helpless to control my circumstances for almost eight months. I just figure whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I am not upset but I am not relieved or happy by any means. Although I am finding much humor in the situation. I heard the absolute best encouragement from my coworker yesterday who said, "Look at it this way. You're probably going to be forced to become a recluse and out of that you will become some great artist that everyone will just be in awe of." I think the reason this is the best thing I've heard is because she took in what was happening; looked at my future; and found the best possible outcome based on reality. (It doesn't hurt that my daydream response to this situation is to believe the exact same thing. In my version, I write the great American novel.)
It was grounding to have someone look at my life for what it is and still find something inspiring to say. I've begun to wonder if I am a cynic. I have never really thought about it before. I am usually all about finding silver linings and such that it never seemed possible that I could be. I think I am though. And I don't think it is a bad thing. I can look at what is before me without fear. I don't need to hope for my circumstances to change. I can't change what is going on. I can change me. I can adjust to my surroundings. But I can't do that and wish for things to change. What is the point of changing yourself if you are expecting you won't have to? These thoughts aren't really cynical in my opinion. I believe that is being a realist. I have always thought of myself as a realist.
What makes me think I am a cynic is the feeling I get when I talk to people who try to make me think that my circumstances are going to magically revert back to where they were. This feeling was not always there. I think I crossed a line about four months ago that turned me from realist to cynic. Something existential snapped and changed my innate reactions to people good intentions. I can't tell you what caused it, I only know that I have converted. My inner response is no longer a wistful longing to believe what the are saying.
My inner response is to picture me wearing big black boots and kicking them in the shins.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Back In The Saddle Again
OK, I am back from my visit to Hell. Whew, what a journey. As a summary of the latest events, I ran out of a few things that I had been taking regularly. (Astragalus, Vitamin D and Vitamin B) I kept deteriorating physically but because of everything that was going on, I thought it was due to stress. I reordered all my pills and am feeling much better now, thank you. Turns out that I am not so depressed when I am not in constant pain. Who knew?
I am off to a new doctor this Friday. Right now I am putting together a booklet of all my symptoms and medications/vitamins. I will also include copies of all of my blood work. Which shouldn't be hard since they only ran tests twice.
The bottom line is I am feeling much better. Well, I am back to not being laid out on the couch in pain. The timing is excellent. There really is a silver lining to everything. Because the stopping of treatments caused me to revert back to where I had been initially, I can see that I am not getting better. What I am learning to do is control my pain and fatigue.
A) I get to regain a small feeling of control in my life by taking care of myself.
B) I can go to my new doctor and say with confidence, I am not getting better, something is wrong. This is not mono.
Hopefully she will help me. My office friends have diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I have to disagree since I have all the symptoms EXCEPT the tender spots. That is the only symptom they use to diagnose. Typically a patient has to have 11/18 points. As far as I can tell I have 0/18. But there are plenty of other treatable things that it could be. I am purely elated at the idea that I might be able to go back to work. It just sucks that for the last 7 months, all I have been told is to stay in bed and rest when I could have been treated this whole time.
I don't understand how doctors can get away with this sort of thing. This guy's laziness and incompetence has cost me seven months of my life including loss of income. There should be something I can do to get compensated for his refusal to do his job. If it were any other type of business, he would be required to issue me a refund. Why are doctors so much above the rest of society? Maybe if they weren't and were held a bit more accountable, this never would have happened to me.
I hate being the little guy.
I am off to a new doctor this Friday. Right now I am putting together a booklet of all my symptoms and medications/vitamins. I will also include copies of all of my blood work. Which shouldn't be hard since they only ran tests twice.
The bottom line is I am feeling much better. Well, I am back to not being laid out on the couch in pain. The timing is excellent. There really is a silver lining to everything. Because the stopping of treatments caused me to revert back to where I had been initially, I can see that I am not getting better. What I am learning to do is control my pain and fatigue.
A) I get to regain a small feeling of control in my life by taking care of myself.
B) I can go to my new doctor and say with confidence, I am not getting better, something is wrong. This is not mono.
Hopefully she will help me. My office friends have diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I have to disagree since I have all the symptoms EXCEPT the tender spots. That is the only symptom they use to diagnose. Typically a patient has to have 11/18 points. As far as I can tell I have 0/18. But there are plenty of other treatable things that it could be. I am purely elated at the idea that I might be able to go back to work. It just sucks that for the last 7 months, all I have been told is to stay in bed and rest when I could have been treated this whole time.
I don't understand how doctors can get away with this sort of thing. This guy's laziness and incompetence has cost me seven months of my life including loss of income. There should be something I can do to get compensated for his refusal to do his job. If it were any other type of business, he would be required to issue me a refund. Why are doctors so much above the rest of society? Maybe if they weren't and were held a bit more accountable, this never would have happened to me.
I hate being the little guy.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
How a Joke Is Born
Mom: Did you look up the symptoms for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?
Me: I started to but I got tired.
Mom: Laughing hysterically.
Me: ???
Mom: Did you even hear yourself?
Me: I started to but I got tired.
Mom: Laughing hysterically.
Me: ???
Mom: Did you even hear yourself?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Without Reson or Explaination, She Returns
Howdy ho neighbors. Here is an update for the few of you out there who are still checking my blog. My mom came for a week and a half. We cleaned out my place, it looks awesome. Thanks mom! Then we decided that she hadn't been here long enough so we bought her another ticket and she stayed another week.
I cried for about 24 hours after she left. I didn't realize how lonely the last seven months have been until she was gone. Then came a rash of crappy news.
1. I have finally crossed the time limit at work and while they are continuing to employ me, I will have to switch to Cobra. This means another $500 a month that I don't have.
2. Went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and he told me I just need to be patient and get through this mono thing and then life will be back to normal.
3. My disability claim went through. However, they can only pay me through last Thursday because my doctor informed them that I was fine to go back to work full time.
???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um, well, I am glad I called to check on my disability otherwise I wouldn't have known I was suppose to be at work. It's funny how he never mentioned that to me during my exam. WHAT THE CRAP? So basically, he hasn't done anything for me but tell me to rest and I will get better. Oh, and cancel any means of income I might possibly have. What a guy. I can't even fathom what is going on in his head, or what he expects me to do. I mean does he think I am lying about not feeling good? Cuz if so, I think I would have to be pretty stupid to be relying on mono. Especially since they can do blood tests to determine if it is true.
The funny thing is that the insurance company believes I am sick. They specifically told me that they will pay me up until the day they talked to my doctor, but because I don't have a doctor telling me I can't work, there is nothing more they can do. If I do get a doctor to say it, then they can reverse the decision.
So my employer knows I am sick and has been holding my job for seven months. My mom knows I am sick and waited on me hand and foot while I was whiny and grouchy. And my insurance company knows I am sick and wants to pay me. But my doctor, who can physically see my symptoms has decided I am not sick.
My life is so weird right now. It's like a bad movie that I can't turn off. Who has this kind of crap happen to them? Who comes down with mono for seven months? Who gets diagnosed by a doctor who just decides you are better without an exam or testing? Does he have a magic wand? Because it isn't working.
Anyway, I have included for your viewing pleasure a copy of the letter I will be sending him. Seriously, what did he think was going to happen? I can't go to work and I can't pay my bills. I haven't had any income this whole time. Did he really think I was going to shrug and say, "Oh well."
The good news is I am getting a check for 60% of my salary from March 22nd to June 17th. So that should at least hold me over. However, since I am already supposed to be better, I am not sure how long that money is supposed to last.
Dr. Jackass,
I would like to voice my utter disappointment with your lack of care. When you diagnosed me with mono in January, you told me rest was the only treatment and I should be better in a couple of weeks. You admitted later that you were incorrect and it was taking longer than anticipated for me to recover.
When my office initially contacted you with FMLA paperwork, you completed it saying I would be able to return to work in two weeks. When I was not better in two weeks, my office asked you to update your prognosis. Instead of giving them an answer, your office called me to ask when I thought I would feel better. When I panicked at the idea that my doctor was simply guessing at my recovery time, you had me come in for a five minute exam. You said I could go back to work in two weeks. At your direction I attempted to go back to work. I pushed through the pain and the fatigue for two days. On the third day, I could not get out of bed and felt worse than I had my entire illness.
When you were contacted with the long term disability insurance, there was no exam or further testing. You simply signed off on the paperwork. When I came into your office for a check-up a month later, you did not tell me when I would recover, but that I would have to be patient and wait. You did a basic examination, but no further testing on what might be causing such an extended recovery.
Two weeks later, without examining me, you arbitrarily decided that I was cleared for work. You informed my disability insurance company without notifying me. Yet again, you assumed that two weeks had passed so I must be healed. I have lost six months of my life because you don’t know how to deal with my illness. You have betrayed my trust. If you couldn’t or wouldn’t help me, you should have told me that from the beginning. I could have found a doctor who would try to help me get my health and life back. You did nothing. I had told you I had been feeling sick since last September. I have had a sore throat and been fatigued for ten months. Ten months of my life are gone. Six months were your responsibility. You failed me and then, because you couldn’t exert yourself to do any more, you cut off my disability insurance without a word or an exam. I don’t know how you can possibly explain that. But I expect you to try.
It is unacceptable and unethical to deny disability without testing or examination, while refusing to treat a patient in order that they may return to work. You have left me in a very vulnerable position and I will not tolerate any further dismissive behavior on your part. Please be aware that I will find a resolution to this. If need be, I will take this issue to Cigna for mediation. I am sorry that it has come to this, but you have left me with no other alternative.
Sincerely Yours,
J
PS, Seeing as how you are a true believer in magic, may I please have a lock of your hair for my voodoo doll? Don't worry, after I stick the doll, I'll tell it to feel fine. So there is nothing for you to fear.
I cried for about 24 hours after she left. I didn't realize how lonely the last seven months have been until she was gone. Then came a rash of crappy news.
1. I have finally crossed the time limit at work and while they are continuing to employ me, I will have to switch to Cobra. This means another $500 a month that I don't have.
2. Went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and he told me I just need to be patient and get through this mono thing and then life will be back to normal.
3. My disability claim went through. However, they can only pay me through last Thursday because my doctor informed them that I was fine to go back to work full time.
???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um, well, I am glad I called to check on my disability otherwise I wouldn't have known I was suppose to be at work. It's funny how he never mentioned that to me during my exam. WHAT THE CRAP? So basically, he hasn't done anything for me but tell me to rest and I will get better. Oh, and cancel any means of income I might possibly have. What a guy. I can't even fathom what is going on in his head, or what he expects me to do. I mean does he think I am lying about not feeling good? Cuz if so, I think I would have to be pretty stupid to be relying on mono. Especially since they can do blood tests to determine if it is true.
The funny thing is that the insurance company believes I am sick. They specifically told me that they will pay me up until the day they talked to my doctor, but because I don't have a doctor telling me I can't work, there is nothing more they can do. If I do get a doctor to say it, then they can reverse the decision.
So my employer knows I am sick and has been holding my job for seven months. My mom knows I am sick and waited on me hand and foot while I was whiny and grouchy. And my insurance company knows I am sick and wants to pay me. But my doctor, who can physically see my symptoms has decided I am not sick.
My life is so weird right now. It's like a bad movie that I can't turn off. Who has this kind of crap happen to them? Who comes down with mono for seven months? Who gets diagnosed by a doctor who just decides you are better without an exam or testing? Does he have a magic wand? Because it isn't working.
Anyway, I have included for your viewing pleasure a copy of the letter I will be sending him. Seriously, what did he think was going to happen? I can't go to work and I can't pay my bills. I haven't had any income this whole time. Did he really think I was going to shrug and say, "Oh well."
The good news is I am getting a check for 60% of my salary from March 22nd to June 17th. So that should at least hold me over. However, since I am already supposed to be better, I am not sure how long that money is supposed to last.
Dr. Jackass,
I would like to voice my utter disappointment with your lack of care. When you diagnosed me with mono in January, you told me rest was the only treatment and I should be better in a couple of weeks. You admitted later that you were incorrect and it was taking longer than anticipated for me to recover.
When my office initially contacted you with FMLA paperwork, you completed it saying I would be able to return to work in two weeks. When I was not better in two weeks, my office asked you to update your prognosis. Instead of giving them an answer, your office called me to ask when I thought I would feel better. When I panicked at the idea that my doctor was simply guessing at my recovery time, you had me come in for a five minute exam. You said I could go back to work in two weeks. At your direction I attempted to go back to work. I pushed through the pain and the fatigue for two days. On the third day, I could not get out of bed and felt worse than I had my entire illness.
When you were contacted with the long term disability insurance, there was no exam or further testing. You simply signed off on the paperwork. When I came into your office for a check-up a month later, you did not tell me when I would recover, but that I would have to be patient and wait. You did a basic examination, but no further testing on what might be causing such an extended recovery.
Two weeks later, without examining me, you arbitrarily decided that I was cleared for work. You informed my disability insurance company without notifying me. Yet again, you assumed that two weeks had passed so I must be healed. I have lost six months of my life because you don’t know how to deal with my illness. You have betrayed my trust. If you couldn’t or wouldn’t help me, you should have told me that from the beginning. I could have found a doctor who would try to help me get my health and life back. You did nothing. I had told you I had been feeling sick since last September. I have had a sore throat and been fatigued for ten months. Ten months of my life are gone. Six months were your responsibility. You failed me and then, because you couldn’t exert yourself to do any more, you cut off my disability insurance without a word or an exam. I don’t know how you can possibly explain that. But I expect you to try.
It is unacceptable and unethical to deny disability without testing or examination, while refusing to treat a patient in order that they may return to work. You have left me in a very vulnerable position and I will not tolerate any further dismissive behavior on your part. Please be aware that I will find a resolution to this. If need be, I will take this issue to Cigna for mediation. I am sorry that it has come to this, but you have left me with no other alternative.
Sincerely Yours,
J
PS, Seeing as how you are a true believer in magic, may I please have a lock of your hair for my voodoo doll? Don't worry, after I stick the doll, I'll tell it to feel fine. So there is nothing for you to fear.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Mono Is Better Than Dating. True Story.
This came in today and made me chuckle. I am hoping to finish that story up. The weather was bleak last week. It has been mostly overcast and we even had some snow. I think. Anyway, I have not been in a writing mood. I have been in a crawl-in-a-hole-type mood. I was tired and crabby and no matter how often I remind myself the weather makes me blue, I can't seem to accept it. Then the sun comes out, it is beautiful and I feel happy. Only then can I see that life isn't any different and the clouds were the only thing keeping me down.
I did have a dream last night. I only remember pieces of it, and it is the type that randomly switches reality so it may not make much sense.
I was hanging out with my mom in Denver waiting for somebody to come out of a building. I started noticing that my nails were all ragged and my clothes were looking dumpy. We had been hanging out all day, but we were supposed to have a coffee date at that time. I told my mom I wanted to go home and "freshen up" and would meet her at the coffee shop, which was only a couple of blocks away. Going home meant that I was going to make myself late when I was already there. And even though she said it was ok, I wondered if that would irritate her as it was irritating me.
The next thing I knew I was in a car at a stoplight waiting to turn right. The line was crazy long and as I waited, I noticed that Kyra Sedgwick was in the middle of the intersection on a stage standing behind a podium. Actually it was Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson, her character from The Closer. She was talking to the cop in the car in front of me. I knew he was a cop because of his uniform even though he was not in a police car. She was asking him a bunch of needless questions which was causing him and everyone else to get irritated because she was holding up traffic. Somehow she got him to announce his name. All of a sudden there were lights and he was being pulled over. I seemed to understand that she tricked him into announcing his name because a warrant for arrest couldn't be served until a perpetrator had been ID'd. (How do you spell ID'd?) Finally the traffic started to move and she apologized to everyone gathered. Everyone included the traffic and a bunch of obviously rich and famous people seated behind a table that ran the length of the block I was turning on to.
As I turned, I found myself no longer in my car but sliding along the white tablecloth bumping into everything on the table. As I was sliding by I heard Brenda say, "I apologize especially to you nice folks who are here for the ceremony, which is made evident by your beautiful and well made dresses. Like you there in your beautifully colored, um, black dress. Would ya'll mind telling me where you got your lovely dresses? I have an event to attend next week and I can't seem to find a gown anywhere."
And then I woke up. I made my bed and discovered another woman's ring between the mattresses. Which you would think would ruin my day, but it just reminded me how much better off I am without my lying, cheating ex-boyfriend. Even being dead on a couch with mono is better than life with him. So that cheered me up.
How was your day?
I did have a dream last night. I only remember pieces of it, and it is the type that randomly switches reality so it may not make much sense.
I was hanging out with my mom in Denver waiting for somebody to come out of a building. I started noticing that my nails were all ragged and my clothes were looking dumpy. We had been hanging out all day, but we were supposed to have a coffee date at that time. I told my mom I wanted to go home and "freshen up" and would meet her at the coffee shop, which was only a couple of blocks away. Going home meant that I was going to make myself late when I was already there. And even though she said it was ok, I wondered if that would irritate her as it was irritating me.
The next thing I knew I was in a car at a stoplight waiting to turn right. The line was crazy long and as I waited, I noticed that Kyra Sedgwick was in the middle of the intersection on a stage standing behind a podium. Actually it was Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson, her character from The Closer. She was talking to the cop in the car in front of me. I knew he was a cop because of his uniform even though he was not in a police car. She was asking him a bunch of needless questions which was causing him and everyone else to get irritated because she was holding up traffic. Somehow she got him to announce his name. All of a sudden there were lights and he was being pulled over. I seemed to understand that she tricked him into announcing his name because a warrant for arrest couldn't be served until a perpetrator had been ID'd. (How do you spell ID'd?) Finally the traffic started to move and she apologized to everyone gathered. Everyone included the traffic and a bunch of obviously rich and famous people seated behind a table that ran the length of the block I was turning on to.
As I turned, I found myself no longer in my car but sliding along the white tablecloth bumping into everything on the table. As I was sliding by I heard Brenda say, "I apologize especially to you nice folks who are here for the ceremony, which is made evident by your beautiful and well made dresses. Like you there in your beautifully colored, um, black dress. Would ya'll mind telling me where you got your lovely dresses? I have an event to attend next week and I can't seem to find a gown anywhere."
And then I woke up. I made my bed and discovered another woman's ring between the mattresses. Which you would think would ruin my day, but it just reminded me how much better off I am without my lying, cheating ex-boyfriend. Even being dead on a couch with mono is better than life with him. So that cheered me up.
How was your day?
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Establishing Context for Plan B
My cousin sent me an email today asking how the interview went, which reminded me that there are people on here who are actually reading this and might want to know. She also told me that if my mom, her aunt, was going to be driving me around in a wheelchair, I should probably get a helmet. And seriously consider a safety belt as well.
The benefits meeting went really well. My claims agent said it was going smoothly, they just needed more information from my doctor. They try to finish the approval process within 30 days of the request being submitted. That would have been two weeks ago. It will all depend on how quickly my doctor responds.
The good news is that they pay 60% of my what I was making before I got sick. Also, they have an incentive program to encourage me to work as much as I can. I had been told that I could only receive a total of 60% of my salary and they would subtract whatever part time hours I worked from the total benefits I received. In actuality, I can get paid up to 40% of my previous salary with part time hours before it affects my benefits. Basically, they just don't want me getting over 100% of what I was making before with benefits and paychecks combined. This is awesome. It totally means I will be able to pay my bills and not have to sell my condo.
On a side note, the interview was totally random and insane. Since it went over my 20 minute limit of being able to hold normal together, she probably got more information than she bargained for. I'll give you a couple of highlights. She asked me about my medications and what I was taking them for. Then she asked if I was being treated for any other illnesses. I told her no. Later when she asked how much I weighed, I hemmed and hawed for a minute before I guessed. I told her I had lost a few pounds with the mono and wasn't really sure. This started a whole other line of questioning about my eating habits and lack of appetite. I explained to her that I had hypoglycemia so I was pretty careful about eating whether I wanted to or not.
Suddenly alarm bells went off in my head and I blurted out that I hadn't mentioned I had hypoglycemia earlier when she asked about other illnesses because I wasn't actually being treated for it. I wasn't trying to hide it or anything. Then I felt weird and told her I had been watching a ton of crime dramas since I had been sick. So I was feeling pressured to make sure she had all the details and it didn't look like I had been hiding anything. She laughed and said that she loved watching those too and totally understood.
Later in the conversation I started rambling about my current doctor and how he is new and only has seen me since I've had mono. She said she would pull all my records from my old doctor as well as my new one. I got strangely excited and my response was overly enthusiastic. Hearing her pause, I explained that I never get sick and if they had all my old records they would be able to see that as well. That's when I started giving full disclosure about my relationship with my current doctor. Realizing I might be sounding suspicious, I decided to jokingly remind her about the crime drama influence. So I lowered my voice and loudly whispered, "The voices from all the crime shows are insisting I tell you everything." She giggled nervously and soon after the interview was over.
I'm betting if the whole mono claim gets denied, I can probably try again on the grounds of insanity.
The benefits meeting went really well. My claims agent said it was going smoothly, they just needed more information from my doctor. They try to finish the approval process within 30 days of the request being submitted. That would have been two weeks ago. It will all depend on how quickly my doctor responds.
The good news is that they pay 60% of my what I was making before I got sick. Also, they have an incentive program to encourage me to work as much as I can. I had been told that I could only receive a total of 60% of my salary and they would subtract whatever part time hours I worked from the total benefits I received. In actuality, I can get paid up to 40% of my previous salary with part time hours before it affects my benefits. Basically, they just don't want me getting over 100% of what I was making before with benefits and paychecks combined. This is awesome. It totally means I will be able to pay my bills and not have to sell my condo.
On a side note, the interview was totally random and insane. Since it went over my 20 minute limit of being able to hold normal together, she probably got more information than she bargained for. I'll give you a couple of highlights. She asked me about my medications and what I was taking them for. Then she asked if I was being treated for any other illnesses. I told her no. Later when she asked how much I weighed, I hemmed and hawed for a minute before I guessed. I told her I had lost a few pounds with the mono and wasn't really sure. This started a whole other line of questioning about my eating habits and lack of appetite. I explained to her that I had hypoglycemia so I was pretty careful about eating whether I wanted to or not.
Suddenly alarm bells went off in my head and I blurted out that I hadn't mentioned I had hypoglycemia earlier when she asked about other illnesses because I wasn't actually being treated for it. I wasn't trying to hide it or anything. Then I felt weird and told her I had been watching a ton of crime dramas since I had been sick. So I was feeling pressured to make sure she had all the details and it didn't look like I had been hiding anything. She laughed and said that she loved watching those too and totally understood.
Later in the conversation I started rambling about my current doctor and how he is new and only has seen me since I've had mono. She said she would pull all my records from my old doctor as well as my new one. I got strangely excited and my response was overly enthusiastic. Hearing her pause, I explained that I never get sick and if they had all my old records they would be able to see that as well. That's when I started giving full disclosure about my relationship with my current doctor. Realizing I might be sounding suspicious, I decided to jokingly remind her about the crime drama influence. So I lowered my voice and loudly whispered, "The voices from all the crime shows are insisting I tell you everything." She giggled nervously and soon after the interview was over.
I'm betting if the whole mono claim gets denied, I can probably try again on the grounds of insanity.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
I May Legally Be Disabled by Mono
Seriously! My employer is helping me apply for long term disability. It is one of my benefits so I don't feel bad about that. Also, I have been sick for 4 1/2 months and have bills to pay. It was just weird to put on the application Mononucleosis in answer to my diagnosis. I have to admit I am not all that confident in getting approved. The insurance company called me on Friday to set up an interview on Monday, so we'll see. I am really lucky that my employer is so supportive. My HR Director not only sent me all the information and signed me up before she even notified me, she also wrote a letter to the insurance company explaining the entire situation to ensure I receive benefits. So yeah, I might be collecting disability.
On top of that, my mom announced that I needed to find a wheelchair for her visit. Her favorite thing about coming to visit me is that we walk everywhere. I don't have a car, so my favorite thing about her visiting is that she walks with me everywhere to run errands. This means I have a whole other person to help me transport groceries and other items. Up until now, I just assumed that I would be better by then. Now, I am pretty sure that isn't going to happen. Even if it does, I am so out of shape from being on bedrest for so long, I won't be able to keep up with her. But a wheelchair?
She says if it is too embarrassing, that I don't have to do it. The sad thing is that is the only thing that would keep me from doing it. I hate to admit it but I am worried about what other people will think. She said we should look at it as a learning experience. We'll be able to see the world from a different perspective. I totally think she is right. I am also worried about depending on my mom pushing me around. I have talked before about my inability to ask for and accept help from others. This would be the ultimate blow to my independence. Which isn't necessarily bad. I think I am too proud and it gets me into trouble. My final comment was that if I find a wheelchair before she gets here then I will do it.
My life is so surreal these days. Like I am living in a dream. I can't even really describe it to people because it seems I am observing me from the outside. The good news is that it makes me see everything differently. I did suddenly have an idea to rent out my place instead of selling it. That way I could get someone else to pay the mortgage, I could move to a smaller place and pay less rent. Then, when I am back on my feet and able to take the responsibility back on, I could just move back into my condo. I don't know how that will work. I am really hoping the disability will give me some breathing room to put off making any decisions. The sad thing is either way, I would have to move. I have no idea how to make that happen considering I can barely move from my bed to the couch and back everyday. So the solution is a problem in itself. I'm just not going to think about it now.
First things first, get disability and find a wheelchair. When did I turn 90?
On top of that, my mom announced that I needed to find a wheelchair for her visit. Her favorite thing about coming to visit me is that we walk everywhere. I don't have a car, so my favorite thing about her visiting is that she walks with me everywhere to run errands. This means I have a whole other person to help me transport groceries and other items. Up until now, I just assumed that I would be better by then. Now, I am pretty sure that isn't going to happen. Even if it does, I am so out of shape from being on bedrest for so long, I won't be able to keep up with her. But a wheelchair?
She says if it is too embarrassing, that I don't have to do it. The sad thing is that is the only thing that would keep me from doing it. I hate to admit it but I am worried about what other people will think. She said we should look at it as a learning experience. We'll be able to see the world from a different perspective. I totally think she is right. I am also worried about depending on my mom pushing me around. I have talked before about my inability to ask for and accept help from others. This would be the ultimate blow to my independence. Which isn't necessarily bad. I think I am too proud and it gets me into trouble. My final comment was that if I find a wheelchair before she gets here then I will do it.
My life is so surreal these days. Like I am living in a dream. I can't even really describe it to people because it seems I am observing me from the outside. The good news is that it makes me see everything differently. I did suddenly have an idea to rent out my place instead of selling it. That way I could get someone else to pay the mortgage, I could move to a smaller place and pay less rent. Then, when I am back on my feet and able to take the responsibility back on, I could just move back into my condo. I don't know how that will work. I am really hoping the disability will give me some breathing room to put off making any decisions. The sad thing is either way, I would have to move. I have no idea how to make that happen considering I can barely move from my bed to the couch and back everyday. So the solution is a problem in itself. I'm just not going to think about it now.
First things first, get disability and find a wheelchair. When did I turn 90?
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Fiction Is Not My Preferred Style
The last fiction story I wrote was about thirteen years ago. I haven't yet found my voice, but I feel like I am getting close. It is harder for me to write fiction because I am more telling the story to myself. I am so curious to see where the train of thought is leading, I don't pay attention to the peripherals and leave out important transitions. I understand what I am trying to say so I forget to look for things that might confuse the average person who is not inside my head. I prefer to jump from action to action rather than spend time in description.
Also something people might find annoying is that I like reading books where descriptions are intentionally vague to allow the reader to create their own image. It allows me to fill in the holes with my experiences and images and makes the characters more identifiable and situations more believable. I tend to emulate this.
Normally I am trying to share a story with you, the reader, and am more contentious of making sure I explain all the details so you can get a clear picture of what I saw. All this means is that I am totally open to any suggestions or comments you may have and understand if you don't like this side of my writing. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I am an ego maniac and if I don't like what you have to say, I will think you are wrong and ignore you rather than take offense. It is how I roll.
I actually have Part II written, but there is very little action in it. So I am holding back printing it in case I don't get to Part III. Then, I can throw it up to keep you busy until I do. This shouldn't be a very long series. I am only planning three parts. It was originally only supposed to be one story. But when I write fiction I usually only know the ending. So I start where I think the beginning should be and follow the tangents until I end up where I planned. Sometimes I start too early. If I have any dreams or memories in the mean time, I will continue to post those.
I have been very tired the last few days and again, I have been using my limited energy reserves to keep up with life. This story works well right now simply because I can write it in the evening when I am not feeling "up" and it should still flow. As I have mentioned before, if I try to write when I have no energy, I sound very terse and bitter. Since I write about real memories, I want to make sure I do my best to portray them in a positive light to keep anyone's feelings from getting hurt. Dreams, however, are fair game.
Thanks for letting me indulge in a walk outside my comfort zone. I think you will be entertained and pleasantly surprised at the very least.
Now can someone please tell me why I have suddenly started smelling lilacs in the afternoon? It happened yesterday and I was intrigued, today it is a little weird.
Also something people might find annoying is that I like reading books where descriptions are intentionally vague to allow the reader to create their own image. It allows me to fill in the holes with my experiences and images and makes the characters more identifiable and situations more believable. I tend to emulate this.
Normally I am trying to share a story with you, the reader, and am more contentious of making sure I explain all the details so you can get a clear picture of what I saw. All this means is that I am totally open to any suggestions or comments you may have and understand if you don't like this side of my writing. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I am an ego maniac and if I don't like what you have to say, I will think you are wrong and ignore you rather than take offense. It is how I roll.
I actually have Part II written, but there is very little action in it. So I am holding back printing it in case I don't get to Part III. Then, I can throw it up to keep you busy until I do. This shouldn't be a very long series. I am only planning three parts. It was originally only supposed to be one story. But when I write fiction I usually only know the ending. So I start where I think the beginning should be and follow the tangents until I end up where I planned. Sometimes I start too early. If I have any dreams or memories in the mean time, I will continue to post those.
I have been very tired the last few days and again, I have been using my limited energy reserves to keep up with life. This story works well right now simply because I can write it in the evening when I am not feeling "up" and it should still flow. As I have mentioned before, if I try to write when I have no energy, I sound very terse and bitter. Since I write about real memories, I want to make sure I do my best to portray them in a positive light to keep anyone's feelings from getting hurt. Dreams, however, are fair game.
Thanks for letting me indulge in a walk outside my comfort zone. I think you will be entertained and pleasantly surprised at the very least.
Now can someone please tell me why I have suddenly started smelling lilacs in the afternoon? It happened yesterday and I was intrigued, today it is a little weird.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Game Delay Due to Rain
Sorry folks. The weather has been hit or miss. My finances have been hit or miss. My mood has been hit or miss. My symptoms have been hit or miss.
All in all, it has been a roller coaster week and I have had to focus my energies elsewhere. In case you didn't know, I have about 2 - 4 hours worth of energy a day. Usually that comes to me in the morning. This week I have helped a friend out by babysitting her six month old for a few hours. The kid sleeps as much as I do so it worked out pretty well. My job sent me an application for Long Term Disability. I spent a few hours filling that out. I pouted a bit and cried on the phone to my mom which ate up a few more hours. Sadly, you, my dear peeps, have been neglected. I have story ideas and keep sitting down to start posting, but I get overwhelmed at the idea of writing out a story. I start to write a bunch of nonsense, but when I am not in a whimsical mood, they don't really come out well.
It is the same in real life. I have a very dry, sarcastic wit. When I am full of life and energy, I can pull it off because I am careful to watch everyone's responses and make sure they are getting that I am telling a joke. When I am tired or moody, I just piss people off and hurt their feelings. I forget to smile and they think I am just being mean. I don't know why. I can't remember a time in my adulthood when I have actually made fun of someone else. It goes against my nature to build people up. Why people would ever think I would say something intentionally degrading is beyond me.
Ah well, the point is I have learned my lesson. Which means you get stories or nothing at all! (I write as I totally negate the statement with this entire post.) I did make mini apple pies this week. I have been craving them, but I make them from scratch. I finally decided to try making the crust in my food processor. I figured it didn't matter if it turned out too badly, it would still be pie. And I like pie! As it works out, minus the cooking time, I made a pie in 15 minutes. This is not good. It cannot be that easy for me to make pie! And it gets worse.
After I devoured the first one I made, I was still craving more. This time the crust was already made. So, I made another one in about 10 minutes and ate it too. I cannot have that kind of temptation sitting around! Unfortunately in my pie craving madness, I bought a 5 lb bag of Granny Smith apples. Each pie takes one apple. I have six apples left. Plus, I still have crust in the refrigerator! Hmmm, I think I have to go now. To make pie. Because pie is 4th on my list of true loves after Goldie, Bacon and Batman. I wonder what Bacon Pot Pie would taste like?
Yeah, I gotta go. Now.
All in all, it has been a roller coaster week and I have had to focus my energies elsewhere. In case you didn't know, I have about 2 - 4 hours worth of energy a day. Usually that comes to me in the morning. This week I have helped a friend out by babysitting her six month old for a few hours. The kid sleeps as much as I do so it worked out pretty well. My job sent me an application for Long Term Disability. I spent a few hours filling that out. I pouted a bit and cried on the phone to my mom which ate up a few more hours. Sadly, you, my dear peeps, have been neglected. I have story ideas and keep sitting down to start posting, but I get overwhelmed at the idea of writing out a story. I start to write a bunch of nonsense, but when I am not in a whimsical mood, they don't really come out well.
It is the same in real life. I have a very dry, sarcastic wit. When I am full of life and energy, I can pull it off because I am careful to watch everyone's responses and make sure they are getting that I am telling a joke. When I am tired or moody, I just piss people off and hurt their feelings. I forget to smile and they think I am just being mean. I don't know why. I can't remember a time in my adulthood when I have actually made fun of someone else. It goes against my nature to build people up. Why people would ever think I would say something intentionally degrading is beyond me.
Ah well, the point is I have learned my lesson. Which means you get stories or nothing at all! (I write as I totally negate the statement with this entire post.) I did make mini apple pies this week. I have been craving them, but I make them from scratch. I finally decided to try making the crust in my food processor. I figured it didn't matter if it turned out too badly, it would still be pie. And I like pie! As it works out, minus the cooking time, I made a pie in 15 minutes. This is not good. It cannot be that easy for me to make pie! And it gets worse.
After I devoured the first one I made, I was still craving more. This time the crust was already made. So, I made another one in about 10 minutes and ate it too. I cannot have that kind of temptation sitting around! Unfortunately in my pie craving madness, I bought a 5 lb bag of Granny Smith apples. Each pie takes one apple. I have six apples left. Plus, I still have crust in the refrigerator! Hmmm, I think I have to go now. To make pie. Because pie is 4th on my list of true loves after Goldie, Bacon and Batman. I wonder what Bacon Pot Pie would taste like?
Yeah, I gotta go. Now.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
How Insanity Is Keeping Me Sane, a Public Service Announcement
I love Allie. Who is Allie? She is the author of a riotous blog called Hyperbole and a Half. Her posts are twice as long as mine which makes me feel better about writing out my stories in full instead of trying to edit them down to keep people's interests. I have been reading her entire blog from start to finish and it has kept me entertained for days. At this point, I am only a third of the way through, so I have plenty of distraction for my fifth month of mono ahead. I am sharing the following with you because it it awesome for two reasons:
1. She actually writes an ironic statement that uses irony correctly. For those of you who may have forgotten, I hate the word ironic. I can now stop hating that word out of ignorant fear because of her. Anytime I start to have a panic attack or feel that my head is going to explode when I try to think about the word ironic, I will simply go back to her post that I have bookmarked and be able to face the world again with confidence.
2. She writes out what it is like to have ADHD and I swear I almost peed myself reading it. It is really long, but so true I couldn't stand it. If you want to know what it is like to be in my head, read this and make two substitutions. a) exchange her being out of work for my mono. b) exchange her process of driving for my process of riding the bus. It doesn't sound like a fair trade, but considering the bus stops 1/4 of a block from my house and 1 block from the bank, you can see how simple it should be to walk out the door at the right time and complete a simple errand.
In all seriousness if you have ever wondered why the crap your loved one with ADD cannot handle a simple task, read this. I swear she is not exaggerating.
I am NOT a Drug Addict So Stop Thinking That if You Were and Don't Start Thinking it if You Weren't Already, Okay? Also, This Post Kind of Starts Out Lame and Then Picks Up Steam, so Keep Reading
You're welcome.
PS I don't get offended by this stuff, but in case you do, she uses the F-word once and the S-word once. I counted. Just for you. Another you're welcome.
1. She actually writes an ironic statement that uses irony correctly. For those of you who may have forgotten, I hate the word ironic. I can now stop hating that word out of ignorant fear because of her. Anytime I start to have a panic attack or feel that my head is going to explode when I try to think about the word ironic, I will simply go back to her post that I have bookmarked and be able to face the world again with confidence.
2. She writes out what it is like to have ADHD and I swear I almost peed myself reading it. It is really long, but so true I couldn't stand it. If you want to know what it is like to be in my head, read this and make two substitutions. a) exchange her being out of work for my mono. b) exchange her process of driving for my process of riding the bus. It doesn't sound like a fair trade, but considering the bus stops 1/4 of a block from my house and 1 block from the bank, you can see how simple it should be to walk out the door at the right time and complete a simple errand.
In all seriousness if you have ever wondered why the crap your loved one with ADD cannot handle a simple task, read this. I swear she is not exaggerating.
I am NOT a Drug Addict So Stop Thinking That if You Were and Don't Start Thinking it if You Weren't Already, Okay? Also, This Post Kind of Starts Out Lame and Then Picks Up Steam, so Keep Reading
You're welcome.
PS I don't get offended by this stuff, but in case you do, she uses the F-word once and the S-word once. I counted. Just for you. Another you're welcome.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Oh Lord, Is This Really My Life?
So, you are getting multiple posts today. For one thing I feel guilty about the ads. For another thing, I am bored out of my mind. I feel like a caged animal. I want to go outside in the beautiful weather before it goes away, but instead I am stuck here on the couch. Luckily I am easily amused once I can distract myself.
Take for instance the ads on my blog. I know actually writing about them is only going to make it worse. But, the crap? Menopause? Low Testosterone? Now I have advertisers trying to diagnose my hormone problems. This is so awesome and humiliating all at once. I only really have myself to blame. Now I am on a mission. I must write about enough things to upset the balance I have already created here.
This will be the ultimate test of my evil genius. I can see if I can predict the ads from my posts. Since I have already subjected all you peeps to multiple posts of randomness, I can't imagine this will make much difference. Oooh, I know. Let's talk about my mom's careless flaunting of power tool safety.
For starters she told me a story the other day about how she saw a neighbor out in the yard mowing his lawn. So she sneaked up behind him to startle him while he was backing up. I laughed hysterically and can't even remember what the actual story was about because I could totally see her doing that. Not a thought of what might happened if he tripped and upset the mower, just pure excitement and getting to make someone jump. The best one was when I went out into the backyard to ask her a question and found her up in a tree.
She was standing in a flower bed on a small 3 or 4 foot stepladder, hanging onto a branch for balance with one hand and a chainsaw in another, while cutting another branch out of said tree. Go back and reread that last sentence and see how many wrong things you can find with that. Shocked and horrified, I yelled at her to get down from there and asked her what she thought she was doing. She said I was being overly dramatic and I had nothing to worry about because she had done it before. I just turned around and went back into the house.
These are only the things I know of. My mom is an awesome carpenter and works with tools all the time. She even built a wall in our old house. And the garage remodeled into a family room was built by her and her father. He had a little carpentry shop in his garage and to this day the smell of cedar reminds me of him. I have no idea where that gene went with her children. I know I don't have it. I can't even hang a picture without help. As near as I can tell both of my sister-in-laws do any building type projects around my brothers' homes. Maybe it is just skipping a generation.
OK, let's see if I can get some Makita ads, Ace Hardware or Home repair. Is it sad that I find this more than a little exciting?
Take for instance the ads on my blog. I know actually writing about them is only going to make it worse. But, the crap? Menopause? Low Testosterone? Now I have advertisers trying to diagnose my hormone problems. This is so awesome and humiliating all at once. I only really have myself to blame. Now I am on a mission. I must write about enough things to upset the balance I have already created here.
This will be the ultimate test of my evil genius. I can see if I can predict the ads from my posts. Since I have already subjected all you peeps to multiple posts of randomness, I can't imagine this will make much difference. Oooh, I know. Let's talk about my mom's careless flaunting of power tool safety.
For starters she told me a story the other day about how she saw a neighbor out in the yard mowing his lawn. So she sneaked up behind him to startle him while he was backing up. I laughed hysterically and can't even remember what the actual story was about because I could totally see her doing that. Not a thought of what might happened if he tripped and upset the mower, just pure excitement and getting to make someone jump. The best one was when I went out into the backyard to ask her a question and found her up in a tree.
She was standing in a flower bed on a small 3 or 4 foot stepladder, hanging onto a branch for balance with one hand and a chainsaw in another, while cutting another branch out of said tree. Go back and reread that last sentence and see how many wrong things you can find with that. Shocked and horrified, I yelled at her to get down from there and asked her what she thought she was doing. She said I was being overly dramatic and I had nothing to worry about because she had done it before. I just turned around and went back into the house.
These are only the things I know of. My mom is an awesome carpenter and works with tools all the time. She even built a wall in our old house. And the garage remodeled into a family room was built by her and her father. He had a little carpentry shop in his garage and to this day the smell of cedar reminds me of him. I have no idea where that gene went with her children. I know I don't have it. I can't even hang a picture without help. As near as I can tell both of my sister-in-laws do any building type projects around my brothers' homes. Maybe it is just skipping a generation.
OK, let's see if I can get some Makita ads, Ace Hardware or Home repair. Is it sad that I find this more than a little exciting?
I Am Not Sure About This
Someone suggested that I enable Adsense on my blog to make money. She also told me that she has made $5.00 in two years. I am going to give it a go and see what happens. I am waiting for approval, the story of my life. I am also looking into a couple of other options. Apparently there are companies that will pay people to blog about their products. Unfortunately the blogs have to be approved by the company before they pay you, so I don't know if that is really going to help me out or not. But that does seem more my style.
Don't worry I will always start the post with a disclaimer letting you know that I wrote it for money. However, I will not be changing my writing style so I will be incorporating my humor, memories, rantings and everything else into the so called advertisement. If you have seen Anne of Green Gables, just think Avril's Atonement. If you haven't seen it, just know that Anne is trying to get a story published but it keeps getting rejected, so her friend submits it to a contest sponsored by a baking soda company. The story wins, Anne is humiliated and says that she doesn't mention the baking soda anywhere. Her friend says she just added that part herself. She inserts the specific brand of baking powder during a cake baking scene and has the lovers credit their eternal love to the baking powder itself.
I figure if I am going to be writing anyway and I can find a product that fits into the story why not? For instance, in Some People Think it is Fun to Make You Wet Your Pants, I could totally mention how if I had self-tanning lotion back then, I would never have been found. I really hope this works because my head is already spinning with ideas for crappy tie ins!
Please let me know in the comments what you think of all of this. In the long run this is a place for me to practice writing. I don't want to lose readers because they find the ads too obnoxious. I'd much rather lose them because they think my writing is too obnoxious.
In the meantime, click on the ads. Just think, every 20 ads you click on, lets me do a load of laundry. For another 20 ads, I can dry them too!
Don't worry I will always start the post with a disclaimer letting you know that I wrote it for money. However, I will not be changing my writing style so I will be incorporating my humor, memories, rantings and everything else into the so called advertisement. If you have seen Anne of Green Gables, just think Avril's Atonement. If you haven't seen it, just know that Anne is trying to get a story published but it keeps getting rejected, so her friend submits it to a contest sponsored by a baking soda company. The story wins, Anne is humiliated and says that she doesn't mention the baking soda anywhere. Her friend says she just added that part herself. She inserts the specific brand of baking powder during a cake baking scene and has the lovers credit their eternal love to the baking powder itself.
I figure if I am going to be writing anyway and I can find a product that fits into the story why not? For instance, in Some People Think it is Fun to Make You Wet Your Pants, I could totally mention how if I had self-tanning lotion back then, I would never have been found. I really hope this works because my head is already spinning with ideas for crappy tie ins!
Please let me know in the comments what you think of all of this. In the long run this is a place for me to practice writing. I don't want to lose readers because they find the ads too obnoxious. I'd much rather lose them because they think my writing is too obnoxious.
In the meantime, click on the ads. Just think, every 20 ads you click on, lets me do a load of laundry. For another 20 ads, I can dry them too!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Poo Sandwiches Taste Like Crap!
I feel like a poo sandwich but I don't want to lick myself so I don't know how I taste. I hurt. All over. My eyelids are sore. This is not a good day. I thought I was really getting better and now this. Ugh! I am starting to think that my physical well being is directly related to the weather. It is very weird that how I feel is inversely related to how much sun is out there. Call me crazy, but I can't help but notice. I have acupuncture again tomorrow so maybe I can get him to validate my theory. At the very least I am hoping he smiles and nods politely while I tell him. I am paying him after all.
I am dealing with life right now and it is arguing with me. I am looking at my finances and it has become painfully obvious that I am in over my head. I have no idea when I am going to go back to work and that means no income. I was pretty much treading water before this whole mess struck. And while I have just started to go into debt, I can see that it is going to be an extremely fast ride to the bottom. For the last couple of days, I have been looking into what it would take to sell my condo and move to an apartment. I could get out of debt, save up another down payment and try again later on.
When I got my new job, I knew it was going to be a close shave budget wise. I also knew that I could manage it and I always live within my means. I am starting to see that it may not have been the wisest choice. I am too old and too single to be scraping by every month. I need to get to a financial place where I can go through something like this and not even have to voice more than a "meh." I need to start saving for retirement. I need to have a savings account. I need to start living like I am 35 not 25. Odd how growing up would include selling my home and going back to renting.
I am not making any decisions yet and it will be another couple months before I put it on the market. I like to plan in advance. This way I can mentally go through all my belongings and decide what to purge. That is the other thing. I have too much stuff. When I first moved into this place, I had enough furniture to decorate the master bedroom. Now I have enough to fill it up and the spare bedroom is just acting as a catchall instead of having a purpose. Where did it all come from? I don't know, but I do know where it is going. Away.
This is my life, or as Goldie says in Overboard "Yes, (sigh) I suppose I belong in this hovel. I didn't marry very well, did I?"
I just realized that sounds sad an pathetic, but it is actually making giggle so I hope you all get the joke.
I am dealing with life right now and it is arguing with me. I am looking at my finances and it has become painfully obvious that I am in over my head. I have no idea when I am going to go back to work and that means no income. I was pretty much treading water before this whole mess struck. And while I have just started to go into debt, I can see that it is going to be an extremely fast ride to the bottom. For the last couple of days, I have been looking into what it would take to sell my condo and move to an apartment. I could get out of debt, save up another down payment and try again later on.
When I got my new job, I knew it was going to be a close shave budget wise. I also knew that I could manage it and I always live within my means. I am starting to see that it may not have been the wisest choice. I am too old and too single to be scraping by every month. I need to get to a financial place where I can go through something like this and not even have to voice more than a "meh." I need to start saving for retirement. I need to have a savings account. I need to start living like I am 35 not 25. Odd how growing up would include selling my home and going back to renting.
I am not making any decisions yet and it will be another couple months before I put it on the market. I like to plan in advance. This way I can mentally go through all my belongings and decide what to purge. That is the other thing. I have too much stuff. When I first moved into this place, I had enough furniture to decorate the master bedroom. Now I have enough to fill it up and the spare bedroom is just acting as a catchall instead of having a purpose. Where did it all come from? I don't know, but I do know where it is going. Away.
This is my life, or as Goldie says in Overboard "Yes, (sigh) I suppose I belong in this hovel. I didn't marry very well, did I?"
I just realized that sounds sad an pathetic, but it is actually making giggle so I hope you all get the joke.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Flamingos and Gnomes and Bugs, Oh My
I haven't posted in a few days and I would like to take this opportunity to BLAME MY MOM! We have both gotten into the PC video games. When I was first sick I was obsessed with Plants Vs. Zombies. It is where my profile picture originates. I stopped playing games about the same time I started writing this blog. I was bored with them and needed new fun.
This last weekend my mom asked me if I had played a game she had recommended to me called Garden Defense. She had brought it up multiple times as something she thought I would really like. When I lost my internet one day, I finally decided to play the free trial I had downloaded. It is awesome! I have spent the last three days playing that game almost nonstop. When I was on the phone with my mom, I let her know that I loved it and she immediately started asking me questions. It turns out that she wanted me to play it because she needed help leveling up. Sneaky, mom, very sneaky. But, she has me hooked. Last night we were on the phone playing it together.
I have to take a break. It is all I have been doing and I dream about ants being destroyed by rocket launchers. Plus, playing video games may actually make my mono worse. Playing a game like that requires massive brainwork, quick thinking and problem solving. I have been playing that game for 10 hours a day. Add in the fact that I have been staying up later than I normally do because I can't shut it off and you have me getting sicker by the day.
I didn't piece it together until this morning. My sore throat is getting worse, I am way more fatigued than I have been and this morning I have body aches. In the shower, I started trying to figure out what I have been doing differently because it isn't like I have even left the house or gone out as I try to do. It's the game! To make it worse, I tried to find a link to a website for Garden Defense and instead I found a video that shows a glitch in the system that would allow me to have unlimited money to buy gadgets and plants.
You know I have quit a lot of things. It almost makes me sad that even as I type this I am fighting the urge to just play for a couple of minutes. Just to test the theory. Somebody get me out of this house. I think I am slowly going mad.
Mom, I am sorry but you are own your own. Keep up the good fight! And call me so you can test that glitch for me!
This last weekend my mom asked me if I had played a game she had recommended to me called Garden Defense. She had brought it up multiple times as something she thought I would really like. When I lost my internet one day, I finally decided to play the free trial I had downloaded. It is awesome! I have spent the last three days playing that game almost nonstop. When I was on the phone with my mom, I let her know that I loved it and she immediately started asking me questions. It turns out that she wanted me to play it because she needed help leveling up. Sneaky, mom, very sneaky. But, she has me hooked. Last night we were on the phone playing it together.
I have to take a break. It is all I have been doing and I dream about ants being destroyed by rocket launchers. Plus, playing video games may actually make my mono worse. Playing a game like that requires massive brainwork, quick thinking and problem solving. I have been playing that game for 10 hours a day. Add in the fact that I have been staying up later than I normally do because I can't shut it off and you have me getting sicker by the day.
I didn't piece it together until this morning. My sore throat is getting worse, I am way more fatigued than I have been and this morning I have body aches. In the shower, I started trying to figure out what I have been doing differently because it isn't like I have even left the house or gone out as I try to do. It's the game! To make it worse, I tried to find a link to a website for Garden Defense and instead I found a video that shows a glitch in the system that would allow me to have unlimited money to buy gadgets and plants.
You know I have quit a lot of things. It almost makes me sad that even as I type this I am fighting the urge to just play for a couple of minutes. Just to test the theory. Somebody get me out of this house. I think I am slowly going mad.
Mom, I am sorry but you are own your own. Keep up the good fight! And call me so you can test that glitch for me!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Strike Two and Apology
Sorry folks, but I don't think I will get to the second part of the story today. I have a couple of high energy hours when I get up before I start to get fatigued again and lose my mojo. Today I decided to use it and go to the grocery store. I have had people bringing me supplies, but I really wanted to get out. It is hilarious that the thing that brings me the most satisfaction and happiness these days is grocery shopping. I feel normal. It boosts my self esteem and lagging spirits to be able to take care of my needs. Plus the people who go grocery shopping in the morning are usually nicer. They aren't in a hurry and it feels like you are all there hanging out. I get plenty of chances for interaction and small talk. And I get to pick out my own produce. I am super picky and even though I appreciate people bringing it to me, it is never the same.
I will tell a little story for your entertainment. I don't remember the exact words in the exchange, so they aren't direct quotes, but I think you'll get the point. A friend who teaches grade school told me she was teaching kids in the second or third grade and the students were asked to write a story about their weekend. A young boy needing help came up to her desk and asked, "Teacher, how do you spell penis?" Immediately she was startled and fearful of what she was going to learn. She asked him why he needed to know and he informed her that his uncle had come to visit and said, "I have the happy part, I just need the penis part." Her heart fell into her stomach. Not wanting to startle the boy by asking too many questions when he seemed willing to talk, she asked him to tell her the whole sentence. So, he read to her, "My uncle came to visit we all had a lot of happiness this weekend. See, I have the happy, now I just need the penis."
Relieved, she wrote "happiness" on a piece of paper. Not wanting to explain what was funny, she walked out of the classroom before exploding with laughter.
I will tell a little story for your entertainment. I don't remember the exact words in the exchange, so they aren't direct quotes, but I think you'll get the point. A friend who teaches grade school told me she was teaching kids in the second or third grade and the students were asked to write a story about their weekend. A young boy needing help came up to her desk and asked, "Teacher, how do you spell penis?" Immediately she was startled and fearful of what she was going to learn. She asked him why he needed to know and he informed her that his uncle had come to visit and said, "I have the happy part, I just need the penis part." Her heart fell into her stomach. Not wanting to startle the boy by asking too many questions when he seemed willing to talk, she asked him to tell her the whole sentence. So, he read to her, "My uncle came to visit we all had a lot of happiness this weekend. See, I have the happy, now I just need the penis."
Relieved, she wrote "happiness" on a piece of paper. Not wanting to explain what was funny, she walked out of the classroom before exploding with laughter.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I Can Tell When I Am Close To The Edge
People seriously annoy me. Generally speaking, I am too self-involved to really notice those around me. It's true. Most of it revolves around the ADD. I daydream to block out all the extraneous information coming my way. If they do manage to pierce through my mental fog, I normally find it amusing and makes me laugh. It does not anger me and make me want to crack skulls. I have been in a bad mood all day. Well, not all day. It started out well enough, then my internet went out and I noticed I was pounding on my keyboard as if that would correct the issue. I feel a temper tantrum brewing. I should probably just go ahead and let it boil over since I will feel better when I am finished even if I feel silly. I am mad at the world and I am going to start taking it out on complete strangers if I don't watch it.
I am at the coffee shop. I thought it would help me to get out of the house because I have a horrid case of cabin fever. It didn't work. There is a guy sitting next to me who has created a mini office, while working on his laptop which is fine. But, he is listening to his headphones and conducting music while he skims the pages. It started with a harmless head bobbing, but then I swear he closed his eyes and punctuated whatever beat he is hearing with his hand and I wanted to slap it. Now he is moving around, sighing heavily as if deep in a intellectual conundrum. Of course, I have to look over at what he is working on. I am so glad I did, because I was just in time to see him typing in 30 font, using Lucida Handwriting to create some sort of sub header at the end of his document that says "Happiness is found within." HOLY CRAP, he just answered the phone and told his friend that he was almost done with the business proposal. What the hell kind of business is this?
Of course, he just has to leave right as I am typing this and make polite small talk so that I can now relate to him as a human being and feel badly about all I just wrote about him. And he even has the nerve to be incredibly good looking! What is this world coming too?
I have to get better soon. I promise, I am trying really hard to be happy, but this is just starting to be too much.
I am at the coffee shop. I thought it would help me to get out of the house because I have a horrid case of cabin fever. It didn't work. There is a guy sitting next to me who has created a mini office, while working on his laptop which is fine. But, he is listening to his headphones and conducting music while he skims the pages. It started with a harmless head bobbing, but then I swear he closed his eyes and punctuated whatever beat he is hearing with his hand and I wanted to slap it. Now he is moving around, sighing heavily as if deep in a intellectual conundrum. Of course, I have to look over at what he is working on. I am so glad I did, because I was just in time to see him typing in 30 font, using Lucida Handwriting to create some sort of sub header at the end of his document that says "Happiness is found within." HOLY CRAP, he just answered the phone and told his friend that he was almost done with the business proposal. What the hell kind of business is this?
Of course, he just has to leave right as I am typing this and make polite small talk so that I can now relate to him as a human being and feel badly about all I just wrote about him. And he even has the nerve to be incredibly good looking! What is this world coming too?
I have to get better soon. I promise, I am trying really hard to be happy, but this is just starting to be too much.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Acupuncture Is What I Imagined Going to a Psychic Would Be Like
The first part was like a normal doctor visit. I filled out paperwork and the acupuncturist asked questions to clarify information. Then we went upstairs and it was more like a massage appointment except I only took off my shoes and socks. I was asked to lie down on my back and he felt my wrist. That's where it took on a more dream like quality.
Right away he said my liver was the issue. Then he felt a different part of my wrist and stood there for a few minutes. He felt that there was some stagnant blood in my system. Then he placed his hand on my lower abdomen and asked how my cycles were going. When I turned 30, I started having two cycles a month, which was bad enough but they were accompanied by extra horrific Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type mood swings. So I was put on The Pill. The dose had to be increased when the symptoms resurfaced. Lately, they have started again. There is more, but I don't want to get graphic. Let's just say he was right on the mark.
At this point he went off into a rant about doctors medicating without diagnosing and then proceeded to explain what happens with hormones during a woman's cycle. Hormones circulate through the blood stream, making the body perform different functions until processed by the liver so they can exit the body. My liver has been taxed and unable to process them. Instead of removing excess hormones, I was put on The Pill increasing hormone production to overpower what was left in my system and create normal cycles. He went on to white blood cells should be able to fight this virus off. To be honest, I sort of zoned out and don't know what the connection is.
Then the needles came out. I was curious to find out what it would feel like after everyone said it feels like a prick, but doesn't hurt. I am here to tell you THEY ARE LYING! It pricks alright, like being STUCK WITH A FRICKING NEEDLE! Most of them stopped hurting after insertion. Some felt like being pinched and took a couple of minutes before it stopped. One needle went into the group of muscles that runs down my forearm to my thumb. I have now idea how one little needle can cause twelve inches of pain. I do know that wriggling it around, doesn't help. I assume he was trying to get it into the correct position, but I immediately thought of butterflies stuck to boards while they are still alive. It was a dull ache that went down to my bone eventually subsiding as well; until I forgot and moved my thumb. It wasn't bad when the needles were all finally in, just uncomfortable.
While he was inserting the needles, my mind wandered to work and finances. Mid-thought, he shook his hand while jerking it back from the needle he was adjusting. I swear he gave me a dirty look and said that he got a shock from me to his hand. Since he was pointedly looking at me as if I stabbed him, I asked what that meant. He said HE didn't know; something in me had jumped out and shocked him. I confessed I had thought about work and money. He scolded, telling me to keep my thoughts in the present. The needles were like conduits magnifying my energy to his hand. Which horrified me because at one point I had distracted myself with thoughts of Vin Diesel. It also gave me an extreme sense of power and sadistic desire to see if I could do it again. Unfortunately, he seemed wary of any further needles. Or he was finished. I doubt he thought I would intentionally shock him. Just goes to show, you never really know what is going on inside someones head.
After that he left the room. During one of the times he came back to check on me, he put charcoal some to heat them up. I thought the charcoal was going to heat up. But, no. He whipped out a flamethrower. I swear I almost jumped out of my skin when he turned it on. It was good that he wasn't touching a needle, because I might have killed him with my fear. OK, it wasn't a blow torch. It looked like a creme brulee torch. Still, you don't expect one to get fired up and pointed at your leg.
I was on the table for two hours. He said I should feel rearing to go, but I was wiped. I guess I was supposed be so relaxed I would sleep. I don't know if my body is that messed up or what, but it felt like things inside me were twisting. Not in a bad way, just like they were working themselves back into place. It reminded me of when the doctor made me wear arch supports to help with my knees. They stopped the knee pain, but for two weeks it felt like my legs were being twisted in a vice. My muscles had to get back into realignment and it was painful and exhausting. But, if my body is so out of balance that it hurts to be corrected with a couple of pin pricks, then I probably need it pretty badly.
Before I left he gave me some homeopathic remedies to use at home. It consisted of pills to take twice a day; powder to mix with juice; and dirt to mix with hot water and drink like a tea. (Who the hell calls dirt flavored water "like tea?" Probably the same person who doesn't think acupuncture hurts.) I still have to go back 5 or 6 more times before I am healed. Then we can work on the whole hormone issue.
Won't that be fun. I wonder if it will feel like cramps?
Right away he said my liver was the issue. Then he felt a different part of my wrist and stood there for a few minutes. He felt that there was some stagnant blood in my system. Then he placed his hand on my lower abdomen and asked how my cycles were going. When I turned 30, I started having two cycles a month, which was bad enough but they were accompanied by extra horrific Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type mood swings. So I was put on The Pill. The dose had to be increased when the symptoms resurfaced. Lately, they have started again. There is more, but I don't want to get graphic. Let's just say he was right on the mark.
At this point he went off into a rant about doctors medicating without diagnosing and then proceeded to explain what happens with hormones during a woman's cycle. Hormones circulate through the blood stream, making the body perform different functions until processed by the liver so they can exit the body. My liver has been taxed and unable to process them. Instead of removing excess hormones, I was put on The Pill increasing hormone production to overpower what was left in my system and create normal cycles. He went on to white blood cells should be able to fight this virus off. To be honest, I sort of zoned out and don't know what the connection is.
Then the needles came out. I was curious to find out what it would feel like after everyone said it feels like a prick, but doesn't hurt. I am here to tell you THEY ARE LYING! It pricks alright, like being STUCK WITH A FRICKING NEEDLE! Most of them stopped hurting after insertion. Some felt like being pinched and took a couple of minutes before it stopped. One needle went into the group of muscles that runs down my forearm to my thumb. I have now idea how one little needle can cause twelve inches of pain. I do know that wriggling it around, doesn't help. I assume he was trying to get it into the correct position, but I immediately thought of butterflies stuck to boards while they are still alive. It was a dull ache that went down to my bone eventually subsiding as well; until I forgot and moved my thumb. It wasn't bad when the needles were all finally in, just uncomfortable.
While he was inserting the needles, my mind wandered to work and finances. Mid-thought, he shook his hand while jerking it back from the needle he was adjusting. I swear he gave me a dirty look and said that he got a shock from me to his hand. Since he was pointedly looking at me as if I stabbed him, I asked what that meant. He said HE didn't know; something in me had jumped out and shocked him. I confessed I had thought about work and money. He scolded, telling me to keep my thoughts in the present. The needles were like conduits magnifying my energy to his hand. Which horrified me because at one point I had distracted myself with thoughts of Vin Diesel. It also gave me an extreme sense of power and sadistic desire to see if I could do it again. Unfortunately, he seemed wary of any further needles. Or he was finished. I doubt he thought I would intentionally shock him. Just goes to show, you never really know what is going on inside someones head.
After that he left the room. During one of the times he came back to check on me, he put charcoal some to heat them up. I thought the charcoal was going to heat up. But, no. He whipped out a flamethrower. I swear I almost jumped out of my skin when he turned it on. It was good that he wasn't touching a needle, because I might have killed him with my fear. OK, it wasn't a blow torch. It looked like a creme brulee torch. Still, you don't expect one to get fired up and pointed at your leg.
I was on the table for two hours. He said I should feel rearing to go, but I was wiped. I guess I was supposed be so relaxed I would sleep. I don't know if my body is that messed up or what, but it felt like things inside me were twisting. Not in a bad way, just like they were working themselves back into place. It reminded me of when the doctor made me wear arch supports to help with my knees. They stopped the knee pain, but for two weeks it felt like my legs were being twisted in a vice. My muscles had to get back into realignment and it was painful and exhausting. But, if my body is so out of balance that it hurts to be corrected with a couple of pin pricks, then I probably need it pretty badly.
Before I left he gave me some homeopathic remedies to use at home. It consisted of pills to take twice a day; powder to mix with juice; and dirt to mix with hot water and drink like a tea. (Who the hell calls dirt flavored water "like tea?" Probably the same person who doesn't think acupuncture hurts.) I still have to go back 5 or 6 more times before I am healed. Then we can work on the whole hormone issue.
Won't that be fun. I wonder if it will feel like cramps?
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