I feel like a poo sandwich but I don't want to lick myself so I don't know how I taste. I hurt. All over. My eyelids are sore. This is not a good day. I thought I was really getting better and now this. Ugh! I am starting to think that my physical well being is directly related to the weather. It is very weird that how I feel is inversely related to how much sun is out there. Call me crazy, but I can't help but notice. I have acupuncture again tomorrow so maybe I can get him to validate my theory. At the very least I am hoping he smiles and nods politely while I tell him. I am paying him after all.
I am dealing with life right now and it is arguing with me. I am looking at my finances and it has become painfully obvious that I am in over my head. I have no idea when I am going to go back to work and that means no income. I was pretty much treading water before this whole mess struck. And while I have just started to go into debt, I can see that it is going to be an extremely fast ride to the bottom. For the last couple of days, I have been looking into what it would take to sell my condo and move to an apartment. I could get out of debt, save up another down payment and try again later on.
When I got my new job, I knew it was going to be a close shave budget wise. I also knew that I could manage it and I always live within my means. I am starting to see that it may not have been the wisest choice. I am too old and too single to be scraping by every month. I need to get to a financial place where I can go through something like this and not even have to voice more than a "meh." I need to start saving for retirement. I need to have a savings account. I need to start living like I am 35 not 25. Odd how growing up would include selling my home and going back to renting.
I am not making any decisions yet and it will be another couple months before I put it on the market. I like to plan in advance. This way I can mentally go through all my belongings and decide what to purge. That is the other thing. I have too much stuff. When I first moved into this place, I had enough furniture to decorate the master bedroom. Now I have enough to fill it up and the spare bedroom is just acting as a catchall instead of having a purpose. Where did it all come from? I don't know, but I do know where it is going. Away.
This is my life, or as Goldie says in Overboard "Yes, (sigh) I suppose I belong in this hovel. I didn't marry very well, did I?"
I just realized that sounds sad an pathetic, but it is actually making giggle so I hope you all get the joke.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
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While it sounds depressing, it also sounds like you are doing things very adult-like. You are wise to begin planning early and making no decisions yet. Time has a way of revealing much as you know. You are in a hard and scary place right now, thank you God that you are still in control even when it appears that things are going in a roller-coaster way. Hold on, for this is where it gets to be fun. Let the safety bar do it's job. It is made of steel, and it will not fail you. God promises this, but we are weak humans. Since Jesus who was fully human has experienced this He knows best how to intercede on our behalf. "I believe, Lord help my unbelief." I needed to be reminded of this myself. You have been a great support for me.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Jen. A friend just told me the other day when I was worrying about "starting over with nothing" to remember that I had her and my other friends, and most importantly, I would always have myself. Everything else was frosting. So. Let me take a moment to remind you that you have yourself, your friends, your family. We're all in your corner!
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