Yes, I Am Still Alive

I am still here. Just hanging out waiting to find out what is wrong with me. When last you heard from me I was waiting for blood tests. Those blood tests had my primary doctor thinking I had an active virus and was contagious. She referred me to Infectious Diseases where I met the worst doctor yet. After he made me cry, he agreed to run the blood tests that he wasn't going to run because there weren't any treatments for the viruses, so he figured it didn't matter.

As it turns out, he was wrong. Those tests revealed that I did not have an active virus. Now it is back to the doctors office. Except this time I think Chronic mono can be ruled out and it is now narrowed down to Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. (Go Chronic Fatigue! It may take years to recover from, but at least you recover.) In the mean time, I still haven't had my disability reinstated. Apparently the paperwork they send to the doctor is virtually impossible to fill out. When the insurance company called, I politely explained this to them. I then told them I had been referred to occupational medicine for a full evaluation because my doctor wanted the paperwork filled out correctly. The agent immediately told me that wasn't necessary I could simply have my doctor submit a letter stating that I had been limited to part time work. This seemed unusual and after talking to the manager of my primary doctor's office, I found out why.

She told me that the evaluation would require a specialized office that had some machines they could hook me up to to fill out the paperwork correctly. She also told me it appeared the insurance company was making it as difficult as possible for me to follow through with my claim. She also said that I probably scared the insurance rep because if I actually get evaluated by occupational medicine, I will be given a disability rating. The insurance company may then be required to pay me for the rest of my life based on that little number.

I suddenly feel that it is important that the insurance paperwork be filled out correctly. I have no desire to be on disability for the rest of my life. I simply have a desire to pay my mortgage while I am unable to work. Is that so wrong? I didn't think so.

Needless to say, things around here are basically just getting through each day with the minimal of frustration. Luckily I have never been an active person and have always loved video games. Plus, I just got reading glasses, so I am finally able to read printed material again, so I am on my 3rd book in as many weeks. And I finally finished the book I have been working on since I got sick. Yay me! My prescription didn't change, I have always had a slight astigmatism, but have always been able to compensate. Apparently, I am so tired, my eye muscles don't even want to do that much.

I am not editing this you can read it as is, so take THAT! I will try to remember to update this with any news that may come up. However as you can see in this email, I really didn't have anything new to report.

Except the glasses. They are cute and I have always wanted glasses but never really needed them. So I guess that's new.

My New Motto

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

I decided this week to stop waiting for my life to go back to normal. I have been in this holding pattern for months. Now I have answers and it is time to put a new life together. It may go back to what it was, but I can't keep waiting on that. It is time to pursue new paths and live in the moment, not the future.

Back In The Saddle Again

OK, I am back from my visit to Hell. Whew, what a journey. As a summary of the latest events, I ran out of a few things that I had been taking regularly. (Astragalus, Vitamin D and Vitamin B) I kept deteriorating physically but because of everything that was going on, I thought it was due to stress. I reordered all my pills and am feeling much better now, thank you. Turns out that I am not so depressed when I am not in constant pain. Who knew?

I am off to a new doctor this Friday. Right now I am putting together a booklet of all my symptoms and medications/vitamins. I will also include copies of all of my blood work. Which shouldn't be hard since they only ran tests twice.

The bottom line is I am feeling much better. Well, I am back to not being laid out on the couch in pain. The timing is excellent. There really is a silver lining to everything. Because the stopping of treatments caused me to revert back to where I had been initially, I can see that I am not getting better. What I am learning to do is control my pain and fatigue.

A) I get to regain a small feeling of control in my life by taking care of myself.

B) I can go to my new doctor and say with confidence, I am not getting better, something is wrong. This is not mono.

Hopefully she will help me. My office friends have diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I have to disagree since I have all the symptoms EXCEPT the tender spots. That is the only symptom they use to diagnose. Typically a patient has to have 11/18 points. As far as I can tell I have 0/18. But there are plenty of other treatable things that it could be. I am purely elated at the idea that I might be able to go back to work. It just sucks that for the last 7 months, all I have been told is to stay in bed and rest when I could have been treated this whole time.

I don't understand how doctors can get away with this sort of thing. This guy's laziness and incompetence has cost me seven months of my life including loss of income. There should be something I can do to get compensated for his refusal to do his job. If it were any other type of business, he would be required to issue me a refund. Why are doctors so much above the rest of society? Maybe if they weren't and were held a bit more accountable, this never would have happened to me.

I hate being the little guy.