Positively Providential

I promised myself that I would not get all preachy on here, but then I remembered it's my blog and I can do what I want. I've had a lot of time to look at providence these days. Being out of work for two months can do that to you. (Yes, it is two months today.)

Whenever I think of providence I remember a scene in the Anne of Green Gables movie. When Anne arrives with her adoptive parents, it is discovered that a mistake has been made. They wanted a boy to help with the farm, so they decide to send her back to the orphanage. When Marilla drives Anne over to return her the woman says, "Just this morning Mrs. Blewett was telling me how she would like a little girl." Then Mrs. Blewett shows up and the lady says, "Why there she is now, I call this positively providential." There is a short conversation that shows just how unhappy Anne would be living with this crabby lady. (Another favorite line, "I don't know but the wiry ones work the hardest.") Marilla says that she doesn't know and she really should talk to Matthew before she makes the decision to return Anne and she turns back home.

I love this scene because it shows providence works the opposite of how we think. God knows how we work, He knows just what will push us one way or another. Marilla didn't care about doing what was right at that moment, she just wanted to spite someone she despised. That may not seem like providence, but it was the only thing that would make Marilla reconsider her decision. The point to me is that it doesn't really matter what we do or why, when something is meant to be it will be. We think providence provides for us, when really providence is making sure that it all goes down the way it is supposed to. Like those Greek tragedies where people desperately try to avoid the outcome that the oracle predicts and in the end it is their very actions that lead to the fulfillment of the prophecies.

That and I think God has a sense of humor. He enjoys watching us try to make things go the way we want, when in reality we just end up right where He wants us. The difference when we try to force the outcome instead of letting it happen is that the path is rockier and harder than it had to be. Don't get me wrong. I do believe that we can muck things up by making bad decisions. It's just that as long as we are living our lives trying to do the right thing, the right thing will happen in spite of our mistakes and rebellions. It is when we stop trying to do the right thing that life will spiral out of control. It can be fixed even after we destroy it, but that takes us giving up everything we've set out to attain and going back to the beginning. Sometimes that is just too hard and that is when a life loses its way. I've done that a couple of times. Frankly, I'd rather not go down that road again. It's not worth destroying myself just to prove I can.

I am going with the flow these days. It's easy to be relaxed when I remember about providence. It reminds me that I don't have to worry about screwing things up or making a bad decision. Providence will auto correct my course for me. That is what it does. It doesn't hurt that I don't have any other options right now. I have to trust that or go nuts with worry. I've got enough crazy, I think I'll pass on another helping.

Beauty by Mono

This whole mono thing has had some surprisingly awesome side effects.

1. I am trying to grow my hair out again. I have beautiful hair. The problem is the longer my hair gets, the younger I look. Not younger in a sexy way, younger in a childish way. It's a little weird. I get more respect when my hair is short; the attitude difference is amazingly noticeable. I am hoping that I now look old enough to sport the long hair again without being treated like a simpleton. When I got sick, I had just gotten to the very awkward not short, not medium length. This is the point I usually give in and cut my hair off again. After two months of mono, my hair is awesome. It's rockstar shaggy and just at my shoulders.

2. I haven't lost more than a pound by being sick, but previous to my bed rest I had shed 20 pounds. I had been a little obsessed with numbers and had failed to notice how great I looked. Now that I am walking by a mirror ten times a day somewhat skimpily dressed, I have had time to notice that I am looking well. I have been through a lot in the last year and I just couldn't get my head out of my cute butt to see how beautiful I am inside and out.

3. I have had a lot of time to reflect on who I am and what I want. Finding myself while I have been ill has led to seeing myself in a more favorable light. I am awesome, I know it and it shows. Attitude is everything in this world. People see you as you see yourself. Confidence, or the lack of, shows in the way you smile, carry yourself, look people in the eye and interact with others.

4, 5, and 6, Other little things add to the complete package. My nails are gorgeous. My house is a mess, but my hands look amazing. My eyebrows have fully grown in again. So, I can finally go back to the ultra full brow that I love without all the awkward mess that ensues when they grow in naturally. I now have Angelina Jolie lips. Mono makes me extra tired which means extra clumsy. Last night as I flopped into bed, I flopped my face onto my laptop and split my lip. This morning, they are a little sore, but I had to laugh because whacked my mouth squarely in the center so they swelled up evenly top and bottom and both sides.

So basically, I am ready to date again. I feel good about myself and I look hot. Except that I am carrying the kissing disease, I am totally good to go.